Smell My Feet

Trick or Treat!

So we did the Trick or Treat thing tonight.
Why tonight?
Because that is when our neighborhood had it schedualed. See we live in one of those gated communites, and they do the T or T festivities a little differently.

First off, not all houses do the T or T. There are specific streets mapped out for the candy shake down.
It's usually pretty cool, since the streets on the route are blocked from car traffic ( kids can run all over) , and since it's a different set of streets every year people usually do it up big with the decorations. In the five years we've been here, our house was only on the route once, it was a blast!
Most people do the route in golf carts ( which is totally fun, and what we always did when Hubby had a friend who would lend us his cart) , anyone walking could catch a hayride trailer to and from the T or T route.
So this year we got no cart, but the T or T streets are near the clubhouse parking lot, so we decided to just walk it, figuring that if we pooped out we could ride a hay truck back to the parking.
They usually start at 6 for the little kids, 7:00 for the rest, and the T or T festivities run til 9:00. We left the house a little after 7 , not quite full dark, only to find that this year it was suppossed to be over at 8:30.
Huh?

The weather was beautiful! Didn't even need a sweater. I think that may be why so many people were out, and why so many houses were out of candy by 7:30.
My Kid looked great! She was a witch, and though she was a witch last year, we bought a new dress thing, and a broom.

There weren't as many streets on the route as last year, and they were mostly hilly streets.
Luckily I brought beer. ( The Bug ain't no dummy)
So the streets are packed with people, and mostly the houses are dark already. I don't know if folks ran out of candy, or were just being fuddy duddies.
( Hubby has a theory, it involves Scooter, I don't buy it).
We were home by 8:20 , and we walked the whole route!!!

What is wrong, is the people who turn out their porch lights and leave the pumpkins and decorations shining in the yard, and then don't answer their door. That is false advertising, right there.

So dissapointing.
The candy looty booty was a mere 40 pieces ( and 3 pennies from some cheap ass) , the nextdoor neighbor gave Kate about 10 pieces out of that.
We passed more dark houses than lit.
I really feel the worst for the littler kids, because the route was short, ( usually more streets) the houses were dark early, and that was the smallest take ever. We were home in an hour!
Kate looked cute though, so cute.

I like to say things while the kid is Trick or Treating.
I like to say, " Go take candy from strangers!"
Or , " Go shake down that house for sweets!"
I also like to cackle loudly, and make scary " WooooOOOOoooooo" noises.
My child is never amused, but she expects me to act like an idiot. It's my job, and I'm damned good at it. I even wore a big orange t-shirt with a pumpkin face on the front.
The better to embarress you with, my pretty!

So The Trick or Treat portion of the Holiday is over, and I still have four pumpkins to carve ( we've already roasted and eaten the seeds out of two of them, I love pumpkin seeds.)
I guess I'll have to buy some sale candy on Tuesday, because I feel so guilty for eating this FunSize of peanut M& M's when the Kid only got 40 pieces .

Oh, and she called her Daddy to bitch about the injustice of it all. HA!

****************

On a side note; I drove Smokey the truck today!
I pushed the clutch and got it up into 4 th gear. I even got into the driveway and parked without hitting anything!
I'll practice again tomorrow, because come Monday? I have to have a way to work.
Mommy loves you , Smokey!
OMG! I am driving a big ole Ford Pick-up! Stick! What is scarier than that?
Get off the road, I'm driving!!!!!

Happy Hauntings Ya'll!

Dorothy

We named the car " Dorothy" because she was emerald green.
I love that car.
I LOVE THAT FUCKING CAR!

She was old when we got her 7 years ago, though she looked pretty and had low miles.
She always took care of us, got us safely to our destination, she got really good gas mileage.
She was a part of the family, she represented my freedom.
I trusted Dorothy.
That is saying alot from a former car phobic.
I was so phobic that at one time I didn't drive for almost 6 years. Just thinkng about being in a car gave me panic attacks.
I literally, couldn't drive.

At one point I couldn't leave the house, at all. I would open the door, and look down the walk and decide if the mailbox was " too far" that day. ( It was all of 25 feet from my frontdoor)
On the days that the mailbox was too far, I'd close the blinds and hermit, waiting for the Baby to come home from school, she would get the mail for me.

Dorothy wasn't the car I learned to drive in, nor was she the car I learned to drive again in.
She was the car that I learned to trust myself in.
She gave me my freedom. I got my confidence back while driving Dorothy.
I could drive highways in that car.
I drove 50 miles to the hospital in that car everyday for 2 weeks after my husband had his brain surgery. I trusted she would get me there, I trusted myself when driving her.
I drove my Mom to and from, a years worth of medical tests and Doctor appointments, and radiation and chemo, in that car.
I drove her in the pouring rain, in the dark, and she never broke down on me, she never failed me.
The few times she needed repairs she always broke down at home, she never left me stranded.

Her trunk was is big, I could load whatever I wanted in there, with room to spare!
So pretty that car.
She got great mileage ( did I say that already?) and she ran perfectly , rarely needing any major repairs, a battery here, new tires there, maybe a new hose, nothing major.
She never needed work when we were out of money.

I Love that car!

She died today.
She broke so bad that her repairs would cost 5 times what she's worth.
I've got her insured for 1500, could probably have sold her for 1000, and it'd cost 5000 to repair her.
I know, it's just a car.
Why does it feel like I lost a family member?
Like I lost a beloved pet, who I felt safe with?
It's just a car, right?

So tonight, Katie says to me, " We shouldn't have named her"
I said , " Why not?"
" Because she wasn't a person or a pet, she was a car. We shouldn't have named her."
I told her that I thought the car ran so well for so long because we named her, because we loved her.
I think another loss is hard for Katie.

My car died today.
My Dorothy died today.
I didn't want a new car, I didn't want another car, I wanted MY CAR, to run forever.
I don't know if I can trust another car.

They say I can drive her back home, but no farther.
She's broken, she's dead, beyond repair.

Thank you Dorothy,
I may not have washed you enough. I may have driven you on empty, but you always took me where I was going, and brought me home again safely.
I will miss you.
You were the best car I have ever had.

I Have a List

And I am writing names on it right NOW!

People that are currently ON MY LIST!

1. People who don't tell me that there is no toitie paper in the potty room til it's all gone and I have to find out about it myself. ( drip dry is never classy or cute)

2. People who know the lunch line rules and try to blatantly break the sacred lunch line rules, right in front of me. ( I am talking to you Brandon W. , and you know I didn't make those rules, and you know, that I know those are stupid rules, so stop trying to break the rules while telling me that they are dumb rules. I KNOW! Get outta my line!)

3. People who sneak up behind me and yell over the wall , when I am trying to sneak a cig behind the dumpster at work.
Yes, it was funny.
ONCE.
I am a role model for the children. I am a bad role model. They should look at me smoking a cig in an ugly uniform behind a dumpster , and decide that staying in School and going to College is a really good idea. I am the perfect example of what happens when you drop out of school. So stop trying to scare the pee outta me already.

4. People who tell me about their intimate medical problems in the first 5 minutes that I meet them. ( no further comment)

5. Fat hamsters named Zippy. Stop trying to chew through the bars of your cage already. I'd let you out if you'd stop biting me. Escaping won't get you a piece of banana. We have no bananas.
(We don't even have toitie paper. )

6. ( deleted because it was just too mean)

7. People who come home once a month and throw their dirty undies and socks on the floor! You may be a good snuggler, but that doesn't excuse your laundry violations.

8. People who do not find me incredibly cute and witty. ( you know who you are)

Who is on your list?

(I thought about posting this at the other place. I think I still might, but I didn't want it to start a deep thing. The mood has to be light.)

Head Voices

I don't want to talk about what that woman did to her children.
Too upsetting, too horrific to even imagine, so I'm not going there.

I want to talk about why everytime someone claims they hear voices in their head, it's because they did something awful.

Don't crazy people ever do good things because of voices, silly things?

I mean, like how come the voices never tell them to wash all their neighbors cars at 2 a.m.?
Why aren't there head voices that say , "plant flowers in the park" or " Take sacks of potatoes to soup kitchens " or maybe " Take old magazines to Hospitals" ?

No.
The fucking head voices always tell people to do bad, ugly, unimaginable things.

Just once I'd like to hear about a woman who says, " I dragged all the furniture out on the front lawn and painted the bathroom orange, because the voices in my head told me to."
Or some guy who says, " I had to blow bubbles at everyone wearing yellow, the voices said to,"

Unfortunately people only listen to the bad voices, they never do what the silly voices tell them to do.



* This post is in no way meant to disparage the mentally ill*

Some Stuff

1. Any morning that starts with a toilet plunger is not a good day.

2. I had a dream about a volcano erupting. It was very loud and scary, and then it actually started to spew. What came out?
Gumballs!
Orange and red and yellow gumballs, and it looked like a paper mache' science fair volcano.
Don't ask me what this means.

3. Today is Friday so I don't have to wear the ugly uniform. Good thing, since the ugly nylon uniform pants gives me the butt sweat.

4. My daughter is having a friend over today. It's a new friend who rides the bus with her in the morning. I haven't met this girl yet.
So yesterday I say to my child, " Is she a Weirdo too?"
And Katie answers. " I don't know, but she likes dragons, so probably."


Happy Friday Ya'll!

The Grass is Greener...

Nextdoor!

Yes, the grass IS greener!

The nice widow lady nextdoor must be getting mad at me, because my deadish grass is starting to invade her yard.
But the grass is greener for those who didn't fire the gardner 2 years ago.
And the timer for her sprinklers must be set correctly, because it hasn't rained enough in awhile, and with Hubby gone no one can figure out how to set the magic sprinkler thing.

As long as I still have to run the AC ( it's still over 90 degrees here folks, and a cold front lowers the temps into the 80's for about 3 days ) , I've found that a really good way to save money is to let the lawn nearly die.
So the grass is definately greener on the other side of the fence!
(and it's neatly mowed and edged, and the hedges are trimmed too! Arrgh!)

****************


Why didn't anyone tell me that giving blood HURTS!????
It freakin' hurts!
It's painful and shit like that!
I'm still glad I did it.
Yesterday I gave blood for the first time.

Years ago ( many many years ago) the company I worked for had Blood Drives.
Back then , I was always underweight to donate blood. ( See? I told you it was a long time ago) .
Anyway , since then, I just haven't been faced with the oppurtunity in an easy ( ie: right in your face) way.
It never occured to me that giving blood was an simple way for me to help other folks in need.
Is that selfish or stupid? I'm not sure.
I mean, I know people need blood, I know people donate blood, I know people need blood donations. I guess I just never associated myself with giving blood. ( okay, so stupid and selfish)

But yesterday I got the chance.
There was a memo sent through the school email, about donations. There was a blood donation center set up close by, and we were being asked to give in the name of someone we know.
See , there is this person who is very close to me, who has a loved one who is seriously ill.

Like seriously needs a liver transplant, ill.
Like seriously could die, and he has no insurance, ill.
He is going to need blood and blood type products no matter what.
It turns out that if you donate in someone's name , they can get free or reduced blood services and products.
So he he won't get MY blood, but he won't have to pay for the blood he needs.
It became personnal , the blood thing.
Finally , I could give more than a mere *hug* to his wife; I could give her husband some blood.
I love her, so much.

They couldn't get an easy vein on me.
They fucked up the first try, and it hurt like heck for a few seconds. They asked if I wanted to try the second arm, of course I did!
That hurt too, but they got a vein that time.
It didn't take long, and my friend was there to cheer me on, and hold my hand.
She was ( I heard later) there for hours and thanked everyone who donated in her husband's name.

The Blood Center gave out t-shirts.
They gave me two! (Because I got poked twice LOL!)
I have 2 major bruises, and my arms still hurt a bit.
I was pretty tired yesterday.
But I don't hurt as bad as someone who is sick, and I'm not as tired as someone with an illness.
I'll do it again.
I'd do it without a t-shirt.
*smile*

I won't do it next week, but I'll donate blood again.
I will gladly donate blood again.
I am thankful that I have blood to give.
I am thankful I don't need blood.
I'd much rather be giving , than need receiving.

**************

There was this kid in my lunch line yesterday, he smelt like poop.
Not like body odor, not like he was wearing dirty clothes, like POOPY diapers were stuffed in his clothes!
He smelled poopy!
It was bad.
It was strong bad smell!
I smiled, and told him to have a good lunch.
Do they pay me enough for that?
No!
Hell, I'd rather give blood!

*****************

So the grass is greener.
My neighbors yard looks fabulous, but she's lonely.
My kid wore a dirty t-shirt to school today, but she didn't smell like poop.
My arms are bruised and sore, but I don't have a fatal disease.
I'm not on an organ transplant list.
My glass is almost always half full, and I am always looking for a refill.
So my troubles are my troubles, they belong to me; they suck, but I'm okay!
My family is okay!

My yard looks like shit .
But my emotional grass?
It's green enough!

Oh No!

A wise friend often tells me ,

that just because I am able to type while I am drunk, doesn't mean that I SHOULD.
Sometimes I listen to her.

I really want to say something here tonight, but I forgot what it was.

I should have taken the good advice, and not typed at all.

Oh yes, I remember now!

Be safe!

Hobbits and Furry Beasts

This place has been too yucky bummed out for too long.
I'm going to try to post something funny, or at least, something weird.

* Disclaimer - what is funny to me may not make you laugh

My WTF Moment of The Week!

So on my way home from work on Weds , I stopped at my local convienence/gas/beer store.

We don't have 7-11 in my town. I don't know why, though I suspect Tommie has scared them off. And I don't know who Tommie is, but I can tell you that there are eight or nine 'Tommie' stores around town. There're like 7-11, only old and dark and dirty, and they don't have sandwich cases, ( no one would be crazy enough to eat a sandwich from a Tommie store, anyway). One of the stores always smells like Pine-Sol, but never looks any cleaner.

The folks employed by the Tommie chain, are losers. I know, that's mean, but it's the truth.
Any half bright or semi-friendly clerks don't last for more than a week. They don't smile, they aren't helpful, they are slow, very few of them have more than 2 or 3 teeth ( maybe that explains the "no smile" thing) I always try to be pleasant to the Tommie clerks, I feel bad for them. You just know someone has hit rock-bottom when they have to take a job at a Tommies.

So I stop by the pine-sol smelly Tommies on my way home from work (Why? because they have cheap cigarettes) to grab a pack and a Lotto ticket.
When I get to the door, this guy opens the door, and says, " Buggy! I thought your name was Bugsy!"
Okay, so I have never seen this guy before in my life!
It takes me a second to realise that I am wearing my name tag from work. ( Yes, my name tag does say "Buggy" on it)
So this guy is nearly my height ( 5'4") he has dirty looking kinda blond hair, cut in a spikey on top, mullety on bottom, style. He has odd patchy facial hair. He is skinny, about 20.
He is wearing a dirty wifebeater shirt that has something written on it in magic marker, cut off jeans , with boots ( untied, no socks). He has an earring , a huge goldtone loop that makes him look like a hobbit pirate.
I'm pretty sure he is on drugs, and if he wasn't so tiny I might almost be scared.

He asks me if I had a good day. ( ???!!!)
He isn't behind the counter , and he is smiling, so I don't think he is the newest loser clerk. He isn't asking me for money, he seems to be trying to tell me jokes. I don't know what the hell he wants.
The actual clerk, a young woman with what looks to be all her teeth, and no visible piercings, is rolling her eyes at him. I'm guessing he isn't her boyfriend, as she is about a foot taller than him, and doesn't look like lifes been completely sucked out of her yet ( I think she's new).
I ask her for my cigs and my quikpick, while redneck hobbit pirate boy is still smiling and trying to make small talk with me.
What the hell?
I'm sure I'm being punked, because I think he is attempting to flirt with me. He actually winked!
First off, I am probably old enough to be his mother, second , I am almost taller than he is and I have teeth. I am not at all cute in my ugly work uniform with the ugly work shoes. I am sweaty and my hair is a mess, so I have no illusions that my beauty has somehow overwhelmed this poor greasy little hobbit pirate reject. What gives?
He stands next to the counter the whole time I am there and when I turn to leave, he kinda hop skips over to the door , opens it for me and bows as I exit.
I say ,"Thank you." (Trying not to look like I am running to my car)

No other cars in the lot, so I'm sure it's not a Candid Camera stunt.
Maybe Tommie has decided his stores need "greeters" , like the old guys at the WalMart.
I locked my car doors and drove home.


The Not So Great Escape

The herd of doggy beasts are still living in my house.
I don't see them much anymore. Since it's too hot for them to be in the garage, they live with my brother, in what used to be my guestroom.

I don't want to think about it too much. I don't want to know what it smells like in there, I don't want to imagine what the carpet looks like. Someday I will remove everything and paint, and maybe be able to reclaim the kennel as a room again. I said maybe.

Friday night Katie and I decide to watch a movie together. I hadn't rented anything because I owe late charges at the movie place (again) , so we were stuck with whatever cable offerings we could find. We have lots of channels, but had trouble finding a family movie, or even a PG13 suitable choice.
We ended up with Garfield.
I don't recommend it.
Katie laughed some, but she is easy when talking animals are involved.
I didn't enjoy the movie, but sometimes just hanging out with Kate when she is laughing is good enough entertainment for me. ( most of the time, in fact)
So the brother ( Uncle Dude) comes out of the kennel/guestroom to see what we are watching and to get a plate of dinner and a beer. He's away from the canine habitat for maybe 5 minutes.
The next thing I know he is grabbing his shoes and asking where the flashlight is.
The furry beasts have escaped!

Katie jumps up and runs to assist in the search. The two of them are frantic about the herd running loose in the neighborhood.
I light a cig , sip my beer and ask, " So does this mean they shredded the window screen, again?"

Sure, I could have gone out into the dark to help search for the beasts, but Bill Murry is pretty funny, even if he is just the voice of a fat CG orange cat who eats lasagna in a movie with a terrible script. I pretended to be involved in the plot.

Ten minutes later they return with two of the beasts, the little one, and the puppy.
The biggest most hyper beast is still at large.
My daughter has been running about the wooded yard in her jammies with no shoes. I holler at her to put on some shoes at least, as she follows Uncle Dude back out into the night. There are furry family beasts to save, and she is on the case.

Ten minutes or so later, Garfield is causing havoc on some trains, I am thinking about getting another beer and maybe making some popcorn, when there is a scratching at the backdoor.
Crap!
The big beast has found her way home, and it seems to be up to me to let her wagging ass back in.
If she is going to escape the least she could do is stay lost, or find a new home, something that won't make me get up and have to pretend to care about her.
I open the door, she jumps on me ( of course she does, she always does) and she is WET!
Uncle Dude, with his jammie clad, canine saving assistant right behind him, run in behind the beast, saying, "She's WET!!"
Yeah, I noticed that.

Seems the beast was across the street, behind the houses , chasing ducks down at the pond.
Having the fricken time of her life!
Can't say I blame the little bitch, I wouldn't want to live in the former guestroom either. It smells like dogs and the window screen is all shredded up, and so far as I can tell there aren't any ducks in there. Yet.

We do share something in common, the furry Heidi beast and I.
We were both my Mother's favorite.