Bug Soup

A Broth of Rambling Thoughts ( with some morsels of 'silly' thrown in for flavor)

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Where the Heck Is Buggy?

Okay, I need to update.
I hate when people don't update ( like for instance, where the heck is Supes?)

I am busy, but that isn't an excuse because I could talk about busy.
I haven't written in awhile, so I think I'll do a little of this and a little of that.


So I have a Daddy now. (I talked about finding my Dad http://ebugsoup.blogspot.com/2007/11/reconciliation.)
It's been good. I think he needs us as much as we need him.
I love his wife, I think she and I can become good friends. We've met twice and she and I have had 2 long talks on the phone. She's warm, she makes him happy, I like her.
They have been awesome with Katie, and I think he is amazed by her.
He said, looking at her he feels like he lost 30 years, because it's like looking at me when I was her age.
The first time Katie met him she said, " He talks in metaphors, he's funny!"
I didn't know, had no idea how big that gap was, that loss in me was, til I found him again, I needed him.
It's good. It's comfortable. He loves me.
Kate and I spent the day with them yesterday, he took me riding around town on his Harley, just like I was a kid again on the back of his bike. We helped build the sub-flooring of his workroom in their new place. ( Their new house is an airplane hanger. Their front yard is an airport runway. It's very cool!)
It was hard work, but so fun. I felt good helping, it's what you do for family.
And I know that if I ever needed anything, that the years apart won't matter, he's my Dad.

My Baby is 16!

Now tell me how young and fabulous I am! HA!
My daughter is amazing. She really is.
I get all choked up just thinking about what a strong and thoughtful person she is.
Katie knows herself, and she is different, and she doesn't care.
To Kate, the worst thing would be to be ordinary, to not be her true self.
I am really proud of her. She is outspoken, and opinionated, but she is kind too.
She's strong and nice.
And she is finding her own way. I used to worry alot, but not so much anymore.
I think she is going to be fine.
I think just being Katie is going to be more enough.

The Domestic Project

The Homemaker thing is going so well I could do it forever, if someone paid me for it.
I have cleaned out everyones closet but mine ( and that project is on the list).
I have given away and thrown away so much stuff that I lost count of how many boxes and bags.
I clean things that no one sees. The behind, the underneath. When a room looks clean, I steam the carpets.
One day I noticed I could see the floor in the Laundry Room, so I spent the day cleaning it. I scrubbed the washer and the dryer and behind them, and under them.
I washed the walls and scrubbed the tile floors. I never thought doing laundry would be a joy, but it is much more enjoyable in a clean laundry area than it ever was before.
I spent 2 days doing Katie's closet, and another organizing her room and another doing her dresser. I love her room now, and so does she.
Being organized has made me happy.

I feel like people can come over now and I won't freak out.
I am busy everyday, I have more projects, but the list is getting shorter.
I have cleaned the clutter out of my home and my mind.
I am working harder than I did when I was getting paid, but I like it more.
At 5:00 when my family comes home, there is a healthy meal being prepared, and I am tired, but satisfied.
I wish I could do the homemaker thing forever, but it's been a little over 2 months, and money is becoming an issue. I'll have to get a paycheck again soon, but I am Oh so grateful for this time, for this cleaning out of my Home and my mind.
I sleep better, I have more energy, I am healthier, we are all happier.
I have changed. I used to hate being home, hated housework, felt trapped and lazy.
Now I look at it as my job, and I like it.
Just wish I had the money to do the house projects I want to, without working.


I don't know that I've ever really had a vacation since I've been an adult.
We never had a honeymoon trip, Steve and I have never gone away for a weekend.
I often say I have never ever gone anywhere, and I'm not kidding.
As a family we have gone to California twice since we've been married ( 16 years). But that was less vacation that obligation. Steve's Mom wanted us there and she paid for the trip and she dictated what we did and where we went.
Once the grandchild was old enough to travel on her own, the obligation trip torture was narrowed to Katie.
But I am taking a vacation this year, by myself.
The plane ticket has been paid for and if I have to sell blood to finace the rest, I'm going.
I am flying into SoCal, Burbank, in June, but the real trip is a road trip and weekend in Laughlin Nevada with my girls from high school. It's like a mini reunion, without all the people I didn't like.

I am going to fly. ALL.BY.MYSELF!
Me, who just 8 short years ago couldn't leave the house alone. Who at one time couldn't drive without a panic attack, much less walk the 20 feet to the mailbox because it was 'too far' from my cave. I didn't even open the blinds on the windows back then. I was so afraid.

I am taking a vacation!
I am getting on a plane, I have a hat and I am going to wear it by a hotel pool in the sunshine, while hanging with my Girls!

Some of you knew me when I just started to venture out, when I was just starting to heal from my mind prison. I used to call myself 'DriveMyCar' , because I was just happy to be able to drive at all.
Being a housewife used to be a prison to me, because of my depression and fears and anxiety attacks.
Now it's a joy!
I am taking a vacation, I am flying by myself, I am Buggy.