Bug Soup

A Broth of Rambling Thoughts ( with some morsels of 'silly' thrown in for flavor)

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Merry Christmas

I wish you all warm and safe.
I wish your loved ones all warm and safe.

I am sitting near my tree, and it looks like memories.
My fireplace is glowing, there are lights across the mantle and scented candles.
My Hubby is snoring on the sofa, my Baby is sleeping safe in her bed with the cat at her feet.
My all, is well.
I wish the same for you , that feeling, that content.

I have had some real lows this year, and I know many who have had lower , but I am optimistic about the future.

Tonight, all is quiet, all is bright.
Tonight I got that feeling.
You know, that spirit in your heart feeling?
I got that.
I hope you all get that feeling too.

Be Well
Be Loved
Merry Everything

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Story Time

I know it's been awhile since I updated.
Hell, I know it's been awhile since I interacted in a real way in the Bloggy world.

I can't wait to give ya'll every single teeny tiny detail of my life for the last 5 months!

Ha! Not really.

I do have a new computer! Yay!
Things have been good, and things have been bad, and life is life, and ya'll know I am okay.
I hope everyone is well.
I thought I'd tell some stories.


There is this little store I go to when I don't want to drive all the way ( 5 miles) into town to the real grocery store. It's a small grocery, they don't always have everything I need, but it's got milk and eggs and soda and cat food and paper towels, you know, all the basics.
I can quickly pick up what I need for dinner, and it's less than a mile from my house.
So there is this new guy there the other day bagging my stuff. He's got to be in his 70's, though he looks very healthy. Nice guy, we visit, chit chat. I liked him very much.

While he is loading my stuff in the car he tells me that just last year, at this time, he and his wife were spending 3 months in Europe, they visited 5 countries.
He said, " and this year, I am bagging groceries and sweeping floors"

Now he didn't say it all sad sacky like, he was just very matter of fact, like, " it is what it is"

But it made me think.
And as I drove home I wondered if they regretted spending that money on the trip to Europe, or if they were grateful they did it while they could.
I hope that either way, it was a wonderful trip.


So I work with this woman who never smiles.
Everyone tries to be nice to her, but she is known as "The BITCH".
I got over my need to be liked by her a long time ago. I still say "GoodMorning" to her, I am still nice, but I gave up on getting any response from her. She is seriously not friendly, ever.

A couple weeks ago I think I got some insight into why she never smiles.
Let me recreate the scene.
It is me and the BossMan, and the GrumpyWoman reorganizing the snack ailse, I am leaving as my shift is over, and I am tired.

Boss- So Buggy, we are stacking you

Buggy- Me?

Boss- The nuts! You're nuts, right? We're stacking the canned nuts

Buggy - Ha ha, you are so funny

Boss- Well I didn''t say you were a "nutcase", but you are a little nutty

Buggy- Maybe I am nuts, I'm still here and I'm still smiling

Boss- Everybody smiles here

*long pause where both me and the boss look at Grumpy Woman*

Grumpy Woman- I don't smile, it causes wrinkles

Buggy- What? Really? ( and I am thinking "could that really be the reason she never smiles?")

Boss- I heard it takes more muscles to frown than to smile

Grumpy Woman- I don't frown, I don't smile, I keep my face neutral



So it got me to thinking that maybe she isn't the meanest rudest bitch I know, maybe she is just totally vain. Totally vain in a creepy way.

I think, there is nothing prettier than a smile, a face can only be improved by a genuine smile.
The homliest face looks better when it is wearing happiness. And doesn't that affect your mood? To never smile? Sometimes I smile when I don't feel like it just to trick myself into feeling better.

I've thought about that exchange since, and I've watched her since, and she does keep her face nuetral, and she doesn't respond in a normal way.

So being the good person that I am, I do everything I can now to make her laugh.
( And trust me I will say some outrageously weird shit to her, just to watch her face twitch)

I don't need her to like me, I don't care if she likes me ( she's shallow and mean anyway), but making her laugh when she doesn't want to move the muscles in her face?
That is some fun shit right there.

The Boss and I had a conversation a few days after that, it went like this.

Buggy - Oh no! Don't smile, you could get wrinkles!

Boss- *laugh* I know! That was weird right?

Buggy- Oh yes, that was weird. I thought only I thought that was weird.

Boss- No, it was weird.

Buggy- It was!

Boss- Why would someone not want to smile?

Buggy- It explains alot

Boss- oh yea it does


Wake me up when December ends.
I said last year that I would never work retail during the Holidays again, and when I went back to the store in August it never occurred to me that I'd be here again.
Here I am, in retail, in December.
It's not the customers, it's not the store, it's me.

It's all around me everyday, the decorations, the music, the happy people, the gift buying, the holiday foods ( OMG , I love the holiday food aisle!!)
And yet, I feel like I missed it.
In retail, Xmas starts around September, and I never feel like I have a handle on it personally.

In my own life I scramble, and never catch up. I always feel off balance.

December is Birthday month in my family.
My Brother is the 3rd, my Sister is the 11th, add that together you get my Mom on the 14th, my Husband is the 16th, our Anniversay is the 7th ( Pearl Harbor Day and my Aunt's Birthday and the day our half-sister died), my Mother-in-Law's Birthday is the 5th ( the anniversary of my Mother's passing) and various other stuff.
Iwas sick all week.
I missed calling my Sister on her Birthday.
I didn't mean to, I thought about her all day, but she didn't know that.
She was also sick, and alone, and December is hard for us, it's the Mom month.
I meant to send her a gift, and I didn't. I didn't get it done, and I feel awful because she felt alone. I didn't even call her that day.

She's my first Baby, my Baby Sister.
My Deena!
I suck!
( Please send my Deenie warm Birthday thoughts!)

December ( Part 2)

I miss my Mom

Saturday in The Park!

Having my Computer back is awesome!
I love my games, and my new system plays the greatest game ever!
If you haven't played Roller Coaster Tycoon, you are missing out!
And RCT 3!! You can ride the rides!
RCT is a simulation game, you build your own Rollercoaster park. You lay the paths, you build the food courts, you put in plants and flowers , and benches and trash cans, and rides!
You hire janitors ( you decide what they wear) and Mechanics ( to fix your rides), you set prices and place potties, and rule the whole thing.
I LOVE it!
I hide in it.
I liked RTC and RTC 2 and in RTC 3 I can name a peep after my hubby and watch him get sick riding the Coasters! It's awesome!
It touches the part of me that wants to be a total control freak.

A Wonderful Life

I never saw the movie " It's a Wonderful Life" til I was 30.
I now try to watch it every year.
I always get something different out of it.
I own it on DVD, but I always watch it on TV.
It's a "Holiday" thing for me.
I always hope that someone was touched by me, that someone had their life changed by something I did or said.
I like the idea that we all have influence over the lives of those around us.
I know I sometimes screw up in big ways, I like to think I do good in small ways that have big impact.
And Jimmy Stewart is totally crushable in that movie!

*And dance by the light of the Moon*

And They All Lived Happily Ever After

I hope to interact again before the new year, but if I don't , I wish you all well and safe!
I wish you and your loved ones health and happiness!
May your Holidays be warm and memorable, may your Loves be long.