Bug Soup

A Broth of Rambling Thoughts ( with some morsels of 'silly' thrown in for flavor)

Friday, June 06, 2008

Poor Neglected Soup

So I got tagged

I'm supposed to do some stuff, and post some things, and there are rules about this stuff, ( RULES!) There is a set protocol to this stuff dontchaknow.

I am a rebel ( Ha! As if! )
I will follow no rules, ( here me be tough?) but I will post some things because Wheezy tagged me weeks ago ( and I love her) and I feel guilty about neglecting my bloggy place for long, there is dust in here.

6 things you didn't know about me

1. Both of my parents are dead, as are all my grandparents. I still have a stepDad, but most of my history is gone. I don't feel like I am old enough to have both my parents dead. I am the 'older ' generation in my family, in my early 40 's, I am the eldest. My siblings call me to remember their past.

2. I have beautiful feet. I am not into feet, have no special 'thing' about them, but mine are lovely. Well shaped and smooth with nicely porportioned nails and toes. They are quite pretty, and I take very good care of them.
They are unfortunately HUGE feet for my height. Size 9 1/2 feet on a 5'4" frame.
I have to be careful about clunky shoes so I don't look like a clown.

3. I hate yard work. There, I said it. I admire people who can make beauty with plants , make art in their yards, but I can't. I don't have any living houseplants either, and I've tried to do those more times than I can count. I kill them. Plants don't take to me.
I have 3 lucky bamboo stalks in water that are doing well, but they have only been in my house for 2 months, I don't expect to have them very long.

Six Things???? I have to do six?!!!

4. I LOVE my hair! I had my hair done today and I am positively obsessed with it! I had some highlights done for Summer, and my stylist ( God Bless Lynn, she is the BEST! Even though she is now a whole county and 40 minutes away on a Hwy I hate to drive) talked me into going a little lighter with a little more. I'm blonde highlighted! I love it!
There is just something about feeling really cute.
It's kinda shallow , but whatever, I LIKE it!
My Mother used to tell us to " Stand up straight and put on some lipstick" , whenever we were feeling down. Ha, like that would solve all our troubles.
But you know, looking good does make you feel a little better, and making an effort helps.
I know when I'm depressed I don't care how I look, it's the first symptom.
So no matter what happens this weekend, my hair looks fabulous! I am fiercely cute today!

5. I used to write bad poetry, lots of it. Maybe it wasn't totally awful, as far as poetry goes, but it was sappy as hell. Sometimes I want to write poetry again, but then I read my old stuff, and decide against it. Oh, and I have several horrible poems in a folder written to an old boyfriend who is now a " friend" on my MySpace page. I could curl up and die of embaressment over those.
But know I should write again, I have stories floating around in my head, and maybe some poems too.

( SIX? I have to do 6 things that people don' t know about me? Okay, but only because I was 'tagged', and it won't be pretty)

6. My marriage sucks. Bad.
Has for a long time, probably will for a long time more because I can't see a way out that won't leave me with nothing and my kid more damaged.
I can determine exactly when it went off track. I have been trying to fix it for years.
When your spouse has lifesaving brain surgery, for awhile you are just grateful they are alive , and you count your blessings and pretend they are the same person they were before.
And is it his fault that what you got back wasn't the same? He thinks he is the same.
Shouldn't you just be happy that he can walk and speak and work, because they told you he wouldn't do any of those things? They told you he probably wouldn't be functional at all, you signed the forms , all those papers that said they were just gonna try to save him, excusing the Doctors for the outcome, lucky if he lived after the brain hemorage.
My worst fear was to be married to a vegitable, but instead I'm married to a mean parinoid asshole who drinks too much and is hateful to me and our child.
I should be grateful instead of complaining.
But his personality is different. This is not the man I married.
It's not my fault , it's not his ( though he is better sober, he still thinks he is 'claravoiant' and the CIA is montering his computer) but what do I do now?

So I tag anyone who hasn't been tagged yet.
There were rules and things, but I don't care what they were.

You're it!