Bug Soup

A Broth of Rambling Thoughts ( with some morsels of 'silly' thrown in for flavor)

Saturday, April 14, 2007

Let's Hear it For the Boy

Let me tell you about a fine young man.
A fifteen year old boy who makes the most important person in my life happy.

He is my daughters boyfriend.

(not using his real name)

They decided in 6th grade that they had a mutual "crush" on eachother. This was determined through friends at an after school activity near the end of the school year. From the report I got, it went something like this.

"Does Katie like Jack, go ask her"

"Tell Jack that Katie wants to know if he likes her first"

"Jack has a crush on Katie, tell her that he said"

"Katie likes Jack too, tell him she has a crush on him too"

"Hi Katie"

"Hi Jack"

" Will you be my girlfriend?"


He called a couple times, asking for my daughter in his squeeky almost feminine 12 year old voice. They ate lunch together, and he told off anyone who dared to tease his girl.

Sadly, at the end of the school year he moved away.
And he didn't call again.

Most little girls would mope around, not my Katie.
She still liked Jack, just just didn't act heartbroken, she was sure he'd call again, and she had endless patience.
She played SIMS alot that summer, and all the families had a Mom named Katie Collins, and a Dad named Jack Collins, and two little blond haired Collins children.

"What if he doesn't call, Kate? What if you don't see him again? You know there will be other boys, right?"

" No other boys, I like Jack."

" But Honey, he moved away, and you don't know his number, and he hasn't called"

" Maybe he'll move back and I'll see him at High School"

She didn't know what I knew, that sometimes boys don't come back.

Seventh grade started , and she didn't see him at Middle School. Seemed Jack hadn't moved back yet, or found her phone number, like she was sure he would.
She didn't dwell on it, but he was still the only boy she liked.

One day about 3 weeks into the start of school, I was serving lunch, across town at the other middle school. I was telling the kids that they had to have their ID badges visable to be in that line.

" You should wear them around your neck, on a lanyard like this boy has." (I lean in to read the name on the ID) " Like Jack Collins ."

And there he was, my daughter's boy, right in front of me.
A little boy, a head shorter than my girl, with an elfish sweet face, sprinkled with freckles across his nose and pale red hair hanging in his eyes. My Katie's Jack!

" Jack Collins?"

"Yes Ma'am?"

" Do you know Katie R?"

Big Smile! " Yeah! Does she go here?"

"No, she goes to the other school. I'm her Mom"

" Really! I lost her phone number, can I get it from you so I can call her?"

" Yes, I'll give you her number."

They are now in 9th grade, and finally at the same school again.
Jack is now about 3 inches taller than Katie, skinny as a pole, with a buzzcut instead of the shaggy hippy hair he wore 2 years ago. He is in ROTC, and can usually be found carrying a book with him. His voice has deepened some, the freckles are still there. His favorite band is called Disturbed , while Katie likes to listen to Hannah Montana, and High School Musical.

His is her biggest supporter, he protects her when he can from the bullies, and when she told him she was going to be screened for Aspergers, he said , " As long as you don't change, I love you just as you are."

He holds her hand and lightly kisses her cheek or the side of her head. I asked her why they haven't kissed yet, she said he is waiting for the perfect romantic time for their first kiss. (She asked him) . He isn't too fast for her, and he is the boy she has always liked.

They've hung out at the house some, and been to school dances a time or two, they eat lunch together, but today was what they called their "first date".
They went to the movies, and I just picked them up. They are watching anime clips on YouTube, and laughing at the kitchen table.

Katie is socially awkward at times, and less mature than her peers, the doctor thinks she may have a mild case of Aspergers, we'll be having more testing done.
She's quirky, and Jack says he loves her just the way she is.

God bless that kid.

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Happy Easter

The writing on the back ( in my mother's distinctive hand) says the year was 1968.
I was amost 4.
I remember wearing that dress, it had a little white bonnet that went with it, and gloves, and a little handbag ( though I don't know what I would have carried in it, probably kleenex). I was so proud of my pink satin dress.
My Nana made that dress for me, my father's mother. She made my sisters' dresses, and dresses for my two cousins as well, and probably the suits the boys wore.
Nana was a seamtress by trade, an artist with fabric and ribbon.

That year there were 7 children at the hunt. My older sister from my Father's first marriage, my 3 older cousins and their brother, who was a baby like my little sister. My brother wouldn't be born for 2 more years, and by his first Easter Daddy would already be gone.
The yard was huge, and full of wonderful plants and trees, great for hiding and hunting eggs, and the special baskets left by the "Bunny". There was laughter and singing, and a big family dinner.

I miss Easter. I miss my Mom and Dad, and my Grandparents, my sister Loree.
I miss dressing up and posing for pictures in smart spring clothes, and eating dinner all together around the table. I don't remember the last time it felt like Easter to me.

Oh I try, but this weekend was just so sad.
It snowed all day yesterday, it was pretty, but it didn't help me feel the spring. Today it is cold and dark and wet.
I colored eggs, all by myself, hoping that Kate would change her mind and join me. She wasn't into it this year, so I did them myself. I watched the Sound of Music last night, I'd never really seen it, and wanted to share it, make it a family time, but my kid just complained through the whole thing, while Steve listened to UFO cd's on his laptop. Happy times.
I put together the clues for a treasure hunt, something Steve's stepmom started for the kids and we continue when we aren't with them . It's clues that eventually lead to the hidden Easter Basket.
I got up early and put together a basket of treats for a friend's daughter. They have been having money troubles, and she just started a new job last week, I knew she wasn't getting paid in time to do anything for Easter. I snuck over there early and left a basket from the "Bunny" on their porch.
I made breakfast, that everyone ate separately, Steve silently, Kate complaining about the pancakes.
The treasure hunt went badly. Steve wanted to participate from behind his computer playing a game, ( I finally got him to join us, but I could tell he wasn't happy about). Kate is still feeling sick from her cold, and she complained about the clues, refused to read them outloud , said they were dumb, and basically was a brat. It's unlike her, but it still hurt my feelings. It ended with finding the basket, he telling her she was a brat, and her telling him she was never speaking to him again and slamming her door. *sigh*

So I put a ham in the oven, and my husband left to " go get cigs".

Two hours later he called , he was hanging out with friends ( drinking, I suppose) and wanted to know if my brother had come over. What difference does it make if my brother is here? I'm here, Kate's here. The nice dinner I made is here. Seems he claims he went over there to see if they got the basket I'd left for their daughter. The one I made in secret and delivered annyomously. The one I told him I wanted to sneak onto their porch before anyone woke up. Nice, wreck the one good thing I did that turned out right today.

My Katie keeps coming over to give me hugs and jellybeans, she feels bad that I can't stop crying, but I'm tired of pretending that everything is alright, because it's not.

I miss family holidays, and my Mom, and my little pink satin dress with the shiney white shoes.
It just doesn't feel like Easter to me.

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Both Sides Now

Hi All!

I have been busy and tired and working lots and sick.
I am sure I got that 3rd cold in the last 2 months because I was run down, at least I got a flu shot last fall.

I thought that maybe I'd do a quick, Things You Don't Know About Me, post.
Though it's hard to think of things I haven't shared already.

* I have a huge pile of laundry in my room. HUGE!
( That's all, I have no excuse)

* I don't always check everyone's blog, I'd like to , but I don't. I do check Chris ( Superman) everyday. Every Day. He doesn't update as much as I'd like, but then I don't write much myself, so I forgive him.

* I no longer wear a wedding ring. Haven't for about 3 months.
Partly because I am not sure how bound I want to be anymore, but mostly because I lost so much weight that it started to slide off. I was afraid I'd lose it at work.

* I wear glasses. ( unless I'm sleeping)
I know it's a little thing, but did you picture me that way? I haven't worn contacts in 20 years.

* I lost my virginity to Judy Collins singing, Both Sides Now.
It just happened to come on the radio. It made me cry.
The song did, or maybe the whole thing did, I don't know. I wasn't very involved in the act.
I am sure that poor boy ( who claimed it was his first time too) was disturbed by my crying.
My crying had nothing to do with him.
I still love that song.

Ive looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
Its lifes illusions I recall
I really dont know life at all