Bug Soup

A Broth of Rambling Thoughts ( with some morsels of 'silly' thrown in for flavor)

Saturday, June 18, 2005

Do It Again

I haven't posted song lyrics yet, but this one is so me, so my philosophy on life.
Steve is home, and whenever he is home he is a CD HO! Blasting music, feeding his soul, playing DJ to the house. Sometimes I think he misses his music more than he misses us ( HA!) I will have to get him something to play his tunes on there in Florida.
Anyhow, he is playing songs for me right now, it is one of the ways he communicates with me.
I'd like to share the lyrics to The Kinks - Do It Again

Standing in the middle of nowhere
Wondering how to begin
Lost between tomorrow and yesterday
Between now and then
And now we're back where we started
Here we go round again
Day after day I get up and I say
I better do it again
Where are all the people going
Round and round till we reach the end
One day leading to another
Get up go out do it again
Then it's back where you started
Here we go round again
Back where you started
Come on do it again

And you think today is going to be better
Change the world and do it again
Give it all up and start all over
You say you will but you don't know when
Then it's back where you started
Here we go round again
Day after day I get up and I say
Come on do it again

The days go by and you wish you were a different guy
Different friends and a new set of clothes
You make alterations and a fact in you knows
A new house a new car a new job a new nose
But it's superficial and it's only skin deep
Cause the voices in your head keep shouting in your sleep
Get back, get back

Back where you started, here we go round again
Back where you started, come on do it again
Back where you started, here we go round again
Day after day I get up and I say, do it again
Do it again
Day after day I get up and I say, do it again

Funny, I always forget how much I love The Kinks, til Steve plays them for me.
Add this to the list of the things that my Man gives me, he is full of gifts.

Wednesday, June 15, 2005

Katie in California

My child has been in California for 6 hours.
She will be there for 2 weeks.
I can't believe how much I miss her already.

Last night she was so nervous she tried to bail out. Told me she was just too scared to get on the plane by herself. I told her what a good time she'd have, and told her that flying would be a great adventure. I told her if she got scared on the plane to just think of it as a big silver dragon taking her for a ride.

This morning she was nervous, but I could tell she was more nervous about the airport and getting on the plane by herself, than the actual trip. The airport made her really nervous, and she refused to look out the window at the palne she'd be getting on. When it came time to board, her legs locked for a moment. I was standing behind her and I felt her stiffen and try to back up just a little. But she was brave , and got on that plane.

Three hours later she was telling me how she looked out the window the whole time, and how pretty it was up in the clouds and how she saw a mountain that had snow on it! She said she didn't even play her GameBoy , she was enjoying the view from up in the sky so much, she even watched the landing!
Her Grandmother gushed over what a beautiful grown up girl Kate had become, and I was so happy for them to be together. ( She hadn't seen Kate in 4 years)

Three hours later, she had seen the Pacific Ocean, walked along the sand and saw mountains
( " They were so big, Momma!") . She'd felt the yucky slimey seaweed on her feet, got sand in her shorts, and found a pretty rock to bring me. She'd eaten strawberries, and grapes and a Happy Meal ( 13 and she still loves the Happy Meal). Grandmother had bought her new panties that she loved, and they were going to walk the 2 blocks to the park where there was a carnival with a ferris wheel to ride.

I miss her so bad I can't stand it.

Steve's Mom, The Grandmother, has been on me to send this child to California by herself since she was 7.
I am sure that Mom never thought I would, but Kate was too young to travel by herself before. Katie is very young for her age. Very bright, very creative, but not worldy, not as socially mature as her peers. I wasn't about to send her on a plane by herself when I wouldn't even let her use the restroom at a store by herself.
But she grew up, and early last spring when her Grandmother asked for the 500th time in the last 6 yrs, if maybe Katie would like to come to California in the summer, I said sure.
She's responsible , she is old enough to be away from her Mom for a couple weeks.
Katie wasn't so sure ( maybe she thought I'd never say , 'yes' either ) . But talk of Disneyland and cousins, swimming and shopping trips, convinced her.

You should have heard her voice on the phone, so Happy! So grown up. So far away from me.
I am so glad she is having this vacation, this experience. So glad Steve's family can give her this great trip.
She's had a rough couple years, my Baby. Her Nana came to live with us, and die with us. They got very close as my Mom was dying. We had money troubles, and her parents argued and nearly split. She started Middle School and the kids tormented and teased her. Her beloved hamster Bijou, her first pet of her very own, got sick and died.
Katie needs a vacation.

I'm a bit jealous that she got to run in the Pacific today, and is surrounded by the mountains of my childhood, but mostly I just miss her.
It's so quiet here.

I've never been away from Katie for more than 2 days, in her entire life; never more than one night away from her.
I thought I'd feel free for a bit, be able to relax and not have to be so responsible.
As happy as I am that she is having a wonderful trip, a vacation she will remember forever, I miss her.
It's too quiet here.
Two weeks, what was I thinking?