Dorothy

We named the car " Dorothy" because she was emerald green.
I love that car.
I LOVE THAT FUCKING CAR!

She was old when we got her 7 years ago, though she looked pretty and had low miles.
She always took care of us, got us safely to our destination, she got really good gas mileage.
She was a part of the family, she represented my freedom.
I trusted Dorothy.
That is saying alot from a former car phobic.
I was so phobic that at one time I didn't drive for almost 6 years. Just thinkng about being in a car gave me panic attacks.
I literally, couldn't drive.

At one point I couldn't leave the house, at all. I would open the door, and look down the walk and decide if the mailbox was " too far" that day. ( It was all of 25 feet from my frontdoor)
On the days that the mailbox was too far, I'd close the blinds and hermit, waiting for the Baby to come home from school, she would get the mail for me.

Dorothy wasn't the car I learned to drive in, nor was she the car I learned to drive again in.
She was the car that I learned to trust myself in.
She gave me my freedom. I got my confidence back while driving Dorothy.
I could drive highways in that car.
I drove 50 miles to the hospital in that car everyday for 2 weeks after my husband had his brain surgery. I trusted she would get me there, I trusted myself when driving her.
I drove my Mom to and from, a years worth of medical tests and Doctor appointments, and radiation and chemo, in that car.
I drove her in the pouring rain, in the dark, and she never broke down on me, she never failed me.
The few times she needed repairs she always broke down at home, she never left me stranded.

Her trunk was is big, I could load whatever I wanted in there, with room to spare!
So pretty that car.
She got great mileage ( did I say that already?) and she ran perfectly , rarely needing any major repairs, a battery here, new tires there, maybe a new hose, nothing major.
She never needed work when we were out of money.

I Love that car!

She died today.
She broke so bad that her repairs would cost 5 times what she's worth.
I've got her insured for 1500, could probably have sold her for 1000, and it'd cost 5000 to repair her.
I know, it's just a car.
Why does it feel like I lost a family member?
Like I lost a beloved pet, who I felt safe with?
It's just a car, right?

So tonight, Katie says to me, " We shouldn't have named her"
I said , " Why not?"
" Because she wasn't a person or a pet, she was a car. We shouldn't have named her."
I told her that I thought the car ran so well for so long because we named her, because we loved her.
I think another loss is hard for Katie.

My car died today.
My Dorothy died today.
I didn't want a new car, I didn't want another car, I wanted MY CAR, to run forever.
I don't know if I can trust another car.

They say I can drive her back home, but no farther.
She's broken, she's dead, beyond repair.

Thank you Dorothy,
I may not have washed you enough. I may have driven you on empty, but you always took me where I was going, and brought me home again safely.
I will miss you.
You were the best car I have ever had.