Bug Soup

A Broth of Rambling Thoughts ( with some morsels of 'silly' thrown in for flavor)

Thursday, October 27, 2005

Dorothy

We named the car " Dorothy" because she was emerald green.
I love that car.
I LOVE THAT FUCKING CAR!

She was old when we got her 7 years ago, though she looked pretty and had low miles.
She always took care of us, got us safely to our destination, she got really good gas mileage.
She was a part of the family, she represented my freedom.
I trusted Dorothy.
That is saying alot from a former car phobic.
I was so phobic that at one time I didn't drive for almost 6 years. Just thinkng about being in a car gave me panic attacks.
I literally, couldn't drive.

At one point I couldn't leave the house, at all. I would open the door, and look down the walk and decide if the mailbox was " too far" that day. ( It was all of 25 feet from my frontdoor)
On the days that the mailbox was too far, I'd close the blinds and hermit, waiting for the Baby to come home from school, she would get the mail for me.

Dorothy wasn't the car I learned to drive in, nor was she the car I learned to drive again in.
She was the car that I learned to trust myself in.
She gave me my freedom. I got my confidence back while driving Dorothy.
I could drive highways in that car.
I drove 50 miles to the hospital in that car everyday for 2 weeks after my husband had his brain surgery. I trusted she would get me there, I trusted myself when driving her.
I drove my Mom to and from, a years worth of medical tests and Doctor appointments, and radiation and chemo, in that car.
I drove her in the pouring rain, in the dark, and she never broke down on me, she never failed me.
The few times she needed repairs she always broke down at home, she never left me stranded.

Her trunk was is big, I could load whatever I wanted in there, with room to spare!
So pretty that car.
She got great mileage ( did I say that already?) and she ran perfectly , rarely needing any major repairs, a battery here, new tires there, maybe a new hose, nothing major.
She never needed work when we were out of money.

I Love that car!

She died today.
She broke so bad that her repairs would cost 5 times what she's worth.
I've got her insured for 1500, could probably have sold her for 1000, and it'd cost 5000 to repair her.
I know, it's just a car.
Why does it feel like I lost a family member?
Like I lost a beloved pet, who I felt safe with?
It's just a car, right?

So tonight, Katie says to me, " We shouldn't have named her"
I said , " Why not?"
" Because she wasn't a person or a pet, she was a car. We shouldn't have named her."
I told her that I thought the car ran so well for so long because we named her, because we loved her.
I think another loss is hard for Katie.

My car died today.
My Dorothy died today.
I didn't want a new car, I didn't want another car, I wanted MY CAR, to run forever.
I don't know if I can trust another car.

They say I can drive her back home, but no farther.
She's broken, she's dead, beyond repair.

Thank you Dorothy,
I may not have washed you enough. I may have driven you on empty, but you always took me where I was going, and brought me home again safely.
I will miss you.
You were the best car I have ever had.

18 Comments:

Blogger mm said...

Awww, I'm so sorry, Buggy.

{hugs}

12:51 AM  
Anonymous Puffy said...

I'm tearing up over the loss of your car, Buggy. How sad. That car meant a lot to you. You gave it love and it gave you love and good, reliable service back. Make sure you take a picture of it!

1:12 AM  
Blogger Bravie said...

Awwwwww. *hugs* That reminds me of my first love. Irving. A 1978 Toyota Corolla hatchback. When Irving drove away for the final time, I cried. Lots of good times were had in Irving.
My condolences.

7:51 AM  
Blogger momma said...

*hugs*

I know how hard it is. And watching DH deal with his car issues this week has made me realize just how much I love my truck. I don't know what I'd do if it broke permanently.

8:41 AM  
Blogger Glowie said...

I love the way you write. You can make people (myself included) tear up over the loss of your car. That's talent.

*huggah buggah* I'm sorry.

8:53 AM  
Blogger Schnookie said...

Awwwwwwwwwww I'm sorry you lost Dorothy :-(

I know exactly what you mean by feeling safe. That's how I feel in my old clunker. She's on her last legs now. I'll miss her too when she's gone.

*HUGS* for Buggy!

10:29 AM  
Blogger ~Nutz said...

Buggy! You're so cute. I *heart* you!

Big {{{hugs}}}! :(

Dorothy served you well, but now she can rest. It was her time and she had to step aside to make way for a new car.

Can we name that one too?

2:27 PM  
Blogger bobdechemist said...

Such a noble car.
Even at the end, to die so finally, (not in fits and starts slowly draining your bank account)


Rust in Peace

5:16 PM  
Blogger augie said...

Awwwww, I'm sorry about Dorothy, Buggy.

*big hugs*

8:06 PM  
Blogger Zombs said...

Lovely obituary Buggy! Big Hugs to you.

Sometimes things fill a need for us whether they are living or not.

Big horn salute to Dorothy!

7:48 AM  
Blogger Rose said...

Your car obituary was so sweet my dear.

Reminds me of the old 'Rustang...

'88 hatchback 5.0 Mustang with more rust than paint... awwww.

10:55 AM  
Anonymous Sasha said...

Dear Dorothy was what you needed. She might have died so that you can learn to trust yourself, not the car. And The Child is wrong. We name things, love them, and learn that we go on when they die.

That doesn't mean it is easy or that we forget, though.

My dear bug, you will trust another car. But it may not be the next one.

11:44 AM  
Blogger Buggy said...

I drove her one last time. The guy from the repair place said that he thought she should make it home.
I picked her up friday after work, had to drive all of 4 miles to get her back home.
At first it was okay, but then about a mile and a half from home the battery light started flashing red at me, I turned of the radio.
The smell of antifreeze coming out the exhaust was strong and I could see the big cloud coming off the back end. She stuttered, I slowed through a stop sign but didn't dare stop all the way.
The tempature gauge started climbing FAST! I opened the windows, and turned on the heater.
She missed, she stuttered, I was choking on the smell.
Half mile from the house I blew right past the stop sign, I was so scared. She was dying.
I was crying and I talked to her and said, " Just one more time, Dorothy, get me home just one more time."
And she did.
She's in the driveway and I know she'll never start again.

Now I have to figure out how to get another car, fast. I've never had a loan and my credit stinks because we've always paid cash for everything.
My husband is in Florida and I am so tired of doing everything on my own.
I think the bank might loan me a couple grand for a clunker, since Hubby's truck is paid for, I hope.
I just don't know if I can get the loan without him here.

12:03 PM  
Blogger Wheeze said...

Don't worry, Buggy. The bank can do most paperwork via fax, if your DH can get to a Kinkos or something to fax back paperwork. Much of the time, they can now email documents as well. If the bank can give me a mortgage on a house when I'm 2500 miles away, I bet they can help you with a car, too.

I'm so touched by your words. You best writah evah.

10:26 PM  
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