Bug Soup

A Broth of Rambling Thoughts ( with some morsels of 'silly' thrown in for flavor)

Saturday, March 25, 2006

Welcome to Buggy's Pity Party!


What do we have on the Party agenda today?
We got more loved ones dying!
Can we get a " HeyYa" for more terminal Cancer!!!

My Uncle isn't going to make it.
They've stopped his Chemo ( hate hate hate the Chemo, does it help anyone? No one I know)

I'm too despondant to really talk about it.
I'd like to talk about him, I adore him.
He has always been my favorite.
If you knew him, you'd love my Uncle Stuart too.

I need to call him, and I can't.

I hope I can see him again.

I need to tell him how impotant he is to me, how important he was, to that little girl without a Daddy.
How much I Love him, and how much I love how wonderful he has been to my little girl.

I am just too sad to call him, yet.
Crying would be bad, gotta get it together.
Because it can't be about me, it's about him.
He is worried about me, and I can't cry.

I wish my Mom was here.

Sunday, March 19, 2006

The Economy

I'm going to wade into the "deep end" just a little, ( I'm not much of a swimmer).

I am so tired of hearing how great the frucken economy is.
Who do you know who is better off now than they were 6 years ago?

Anyone on the edge of middle class fell over the edge and into the gap.

Six years ago we had insurance coverage, we had a nice little savings account, and we paid all our bills. We had a decent savings, a 401K account.

We've never had credit cards ( since Steve and I married) , and we don't plan on ever taking on that kind of debt.
We never lived above our means.
Think about that a minute.

We NEVER spent more than we could afford , EVER.
We have never lived a charge card life. We have always been frugal in our purchases, saving money and paying cash for the big items. ( like saving up $ 500 to buy the new mattress we desparately needed for our bed)
We did everything right.
All the things you are suppossed to do to stay clear from debt.

And you always think that if you lose your job that there is something else out there, something better, or at least, just as good.

But the job market still sucks.
Three years after my husband lost his job, and we drained our savings, and sold whatever we had worth selling just to live on, ( just to pay the utilities and groceries) it still sucks.

Oh, there are jobs.
Low paying, no benefits, jobs.
Three or four of them might get you by, but none of them will pay for your kid to go to the dentist. None of them will offer you the smallest of benefits.

I read last week in a News magzine, that stocks are up. I'm sure they are, for the weathly.
The little bit of stock we own, that we bought for 19 a share , 7 years ago? It's hovering around 25 cents a share now.
We can't even sell it, the fees cost more than it's worth.

So keep telling me that the economy is good, as I watch business after business close in my town, as I search the job ads everyday, as I see more employers hiring for less money and more hours.
There is no safety net in this economy, especially for the former Middle class.

I just heard the President say , " A Victory in Iraq , will make this Country more secure".


There is no Victory, only more debt.
Debt our children's children will still be paying for.

And by the way, being broke doesn't exclude you from owing taxes. We barely made enough to keep the lights on, no matter how hard we worked, and we still owe the IRS over $400 from 2004. We owe this year too.

Thankfully I do my part to help the multibillion dollar debt this Government is spending on it's war.

The economy is good?
Excuse me while I be sick.

Beasts Are Gone

The doggy beasts are gone!
In a week of dissapointments, and severe neck pain ( I pinched something and it is giving me the headache of my life) , of worries and stress, of jobs found and lost, the bright shining moment was yesterday, when my brother finally removed the beasts from my house.

They were only allowed to be here for a week, and yet somehow ( because no one listens to me , ever) they survived in my home for a year and seven days.
But now they are gone!

I have lived through it.
I haven't killed anyone , canine or human.
I have survived the allergy attacks, the doggy piss smell in my house , the dog hair on everything, for a whole year.
( and it may take another year to completely remove all traces of canine fur)

I think I deserve some kind of prize!

Good for Kurt!
He has got his own place, it's close to his work, it has a yard for his beasts, he can afford it.
All is well.

I saw the room today, for the first time in a year.
The room that was once our perfect Guest Room, and then was Mom's Room, and has for the last year been Kurt's Room, referred to ( by me) as The Kennel.

It's pretty bad.
The beasts have chewed the walls in places, and I don't even want to talk about the carpet.
There is about 4 inches of dog hair on every surface.
The blinds, the ceiling fan, the blades of a floor fan, my mothers nick nacks and books.
The entire room looks furry.
And it stinks.

I suppose I am thankful they didn't do more damage, the custom wood blinds are still intact , though the window screen is shredded, the matress doesn't seem to be chewed up any.
I hope the carpet can be saved.

Hey, think of all the electricity I'll be saving!

I think I will miss having my brother here.
But if he ever needs a place again?
Well, this house has a strict, NO DOG policy , from now on.

The Beasts are GONE!!!

And I count my little blessings as they come.

Thursday, March 09, 2006

Hubby Job

I think Steve may have a new job.
We will know for sure on Monday ( he has to take an electronics test)

If you care at all about me, please send good thoughts, or prayers if that is your heart.

I know we aren't the only ones struggling, it has been a bad several years for many.

This isn't just a "job", this one could change our lives.
This could recover us, save us , take us back to where we were before everything fell apart 3 years ago.

I think I could sleep again, knowing that we could pay the power bill, and still buy groceries.
I think I could be confident in my marriage again, my Hubby would be home every night, no more traveling away to work.
And best of all, we'd have insurance again for the first time in 3 years.

I've been so afraid to hope that something good might happen for us , but this time, I think it's going to be okay.
I am letting myself hope.

So if you have a minute, if you want to , think a little happy wish for us.
I'd be ever so grateful for the good thoughts.

Be well!
Be Safe!

Pink Tab

The new Tab for women scares me.
It's pink.
Not just the can , but the softdrink is pink too
Have you seen the ad?
It's women in way too much make-up, and whorish clothes, wearing scary shoes.
I don't want to drink the new Tab.
One chick in the ad is actually eating a thing that has litttle suction cups on it and looks uncooked!!!!!
Who are these whores drinking this stuff?

I know this marketing isn't aimed at me.

I predict this drink will fail, because cheap women drink tequilla, everyone knows that.

Saturday, March 04, 2006

The Hemit Bug

I have so many things to say.
Do you ever feel like you have too much to say, so you say nothing?

Yep, that's me.

I want to write a cafeteria entry. ( the kitchen I work in is actually quite interesting, and more like a Food Court, than the old school cafe we remember from childhood)
What a mess that place has been, and so hard I have been working lately there.

I want to write about my Katie, and her Birthday. My Baby is 14!
She is not your typical teen. Oh, I should write pages about my Katie.

I want to give you a new update on my Hubby, he is no longer in Florida, he is home and looking for work.

I want to talk a bit about Trolls ( though maybe not the kind you think)

I want to talk about politics.
I have some stories that relate to things in the News, and I have some opinions about some stuff.
I have two stories I want to tell about teens and choices. Both relate to the abortion issue, one who had a choice, and one who didn't.

I want to talk about Cancer, and how it is taking so many I love.

I want to talk about some friends that I've negelected.

But, I'm just so tired.
I am so fucking tired.

I am agitated, and my neck hurts, and I've had a headache for 3 weeks. ( I think that's the neck)

I can't eat, unless I'm eating all the time.
I hate my job and everyday it gets worse, but I can't quit.
I don't sleep well, so all I think about is sleeping.
I need to connect to my family more, so of course I am hiding in games.

The rest of the world is easy to hide from.
My troubles?
I hide by playing games.

I'm around the net sometimes, on boards and blogs.
Most of you reading this don't even know that I've been hermitting lately.
But I am, in my own way.
I've stopped talking talking about me , what is going on here.

My Mom used to really hide when the Hermit Mood caught her.
She'd literally stay in bed for days, and not talk to anyone.
I don't have that luxury, or maybe I can't get that low, or maybe I'm not that selfish.

But I am hiding, in my own small way.

I have too much to say, about too many things, so I'll say nothing.

I'll post something useful here soon.

But lately I can't get introspective, and I have a headache, so writing anything that makes sense is out for me.

But I can say that, I love you all!

I am just being a bit of a hermit lately.

If you are reading this, I wish you Safe, I wish you Well.