Bug Soup

A Broth of Rambling Thoughts ( with some morsels of 'silly' thrown in for flavor)

Sunday, March 15, 2009

My Hubby Is a Butthead

Oh , he makes me so mad!

So the idiot finally cleans out the gutters today ( he hasn't quite grasped the whole "houses need maintenance' thing) and after some mild nagging ( months), he borrows the neighbors ladder , ( because the one we have sucks, but he told me we didn't need a new one, even though the one we have I bought at a garage sale for 2 bucks and it is wooden and short and shakey, and I have to manage to paint the house with it, whatever!) and FIANALLY is going to clean the gutters.

He comes in after about an hour and rants about how bad the job is.

" The gutters have 3 inches of yuck in them!" They smell! It's like they haven't been cleaned in 3 years!!!!!!"

They haven't been cleaned in 3 years.
( Does he think we had some special self-cleaning rain gutters?)
I didn't say it, but who does he thinks does everything else?
Umm, does he think his laundry doesn't smell?
Gee, where does he think those underwear he drops all over the bathroom floor go?
Does he think the windows don't get dirty?
Who does he think does EVERYTHING ELSE!!!

I wanted to fire the gardener because it costs too much and they don't even do a good job.
I said that for less than one months cost we could buy a lawnmower, and he says, " So you wanna mow the lawn?"

I didn't even feel sorry for him when he fell off the ladder.

"Do you need to go to the Hospital?"
"Then take an asprin and shut up"

My Husband does NOTHING!!!! around the house, EVER!!!!

Last weekend he decided he was going to help me with laundry. He ran 5 loads of laundry, and dumps all of it on the sofa as it came out of the dryer. It took me 3 hours to sort and fold and hang and re-wash on Monday.
Okay, Thanks for all the help.

I do everything!
Now He thinks I should work more hours.

The only thing he does is take out the trash on Sunday night, when he remembers.
He doesn't do other stuff, because he " Works for a living!"

Am I crazy, or is he a total BUTTHEAD!?

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Dirty Secrets

Do you wanna be on top?

I love that theme song for America's Next top Model.
I don't watch the show in real time, I don't watch the new season, but I am addicted to the marathon's of past seasons they show on Oxygen each week.
You mean I can watch an entire season of a Reality show in one day????
Oh My, I am so there!

I can't stand Tyra on her talk show, ( she pretends it's about 'real' but it's totally about looks and surface shit) but give me the over the top crazy Tyra on ANTM, and I love it!
On Sunday's they do a whole season of ANTM, and then they rerun it again on Monday.
I watch on Monday til 7 p.m. and then record the last 3 hours to watch later in the week.
( It's perfect, I'm home alone, I get laundry done, I can practice my fierce looks)

I guess it was appropriate that I was watching recorded episodes of Top Model on Thursday afternoon when I got the phone call that my Aunt Sue had died.

The phone rang, I did my fierce runway walk down the hall til I heard the message on the machine.

My Aunt Sue, the glamorous one , in a family of beautiful women.
She was mistaken for Elizabeth Tayler more than once in the 60's, in fact one of Sue's favorite stories was that she ran into Richard Burton in a bar in Palm Springs , and he told her that she looked just like his wife.
Think Liz Taylor in Giant, yes, that beautiful.
Sue was stunning.
She was also a huge superficial bitch.

Aunt Sue told me when I was 13 that I should be a model.
She taught me how to walk and how to shape my brows, and told me that as soon as I was tall I' could be famous.
In the 70's all models were tall, and blond, and had perfect teeth, I had none of those things.
But Shu Shu gave me confidence, and a runway walk, even though I never got taller than 5'4"

I am going to sound horrible here, but she was mean.
Much as I loved her, since hearing about her passing, most of my memories of her are bad.
I keep trying to think of good things.
She was a real bitch.

So my Runway walk wasn't as sharp as it could have been, since I had a little medical condition.
A not so little boil, at the top of my leg, you might say in my groin area ( my Doctor did).
It wasn't as big as a golf ball, but it wasn't much smaller than one either.
I have never had pain like that ever.
I was looking on the internet to find a remedy, and everything said that if your boil lasts more than a week and if you have Diabeties , go to the Doctor.
Hot compresses weren't working and it had been 3 weeks, and I knew I needed to see the Doc.
OMG!!!! It hurt sooo bad!
Like the most painful thing ever!
The Doctor stuck a needle in me and I know I went pale because I felt my face go cold and I heard her saying, " breathe Erica, breathe through your nose".
I almost passed out, it hurt so bad.
It still hurts, but not like it did.

I could have been America's Next Top Model, but instead I'm a short middle aged housewife with boils.

I have really well groomed eyebrows, and a fierce runway walk though.
Thanks Auntie Sue.

I'll miss you