Bug Soup

A Broth of Rambling Thoughts ( with some morsels of 'silly' thrown in for flavor)

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

I Need to Get Better

I went to the Doctor today.

I wouldn't have gone, except I found this weird lump under my armpit that didn't hurt, and my neighbor felt it, and my hubby felt it, and they both said to go have the Doctor feel it.

Doctor liked that it was a surface type lump, that we could feel all of it, that it was small ( large pea) and that my mamagram from 3 months ago was clean.

Doctor wants to watch it, but she thinks it's a small cyst. It's nothing, we'll watch it.
But she talked to me, like my awesome Doctor always does, and I left with anti-depressants.
Because I need them.

I hate that I need them, but I think I do this time.
No, I know that I do.

Just that I wasn't able to write for so long, was a symptom for me.
That I would sleep all day if I could, should have been a warning.
Staring at the walls doing nothing for hours, was a sign.
That I was crying while telling the Doctor that I didn't cry , well, that may have been a symptom.
So I'll try the new meds.

And I need a new project.
I do so much better when I have one.
So I bought some supplies and some paint, and have taped off the front bathroom.
Tomorrow I start painting the house, one wall at a time.
Steve hates it, he won't help me, but he won't stop me.

I have no idea what I am doing, but I will crack open that paint can tomorrow, and I will order that wallpaper border tomorrow.

I am going to own this house, if only with my sweat.
And hopefully, I'll be able to sleep on the new meds.

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Dawning of a New Day - And Other Stuff!

Reminds me of that song, we sang it in 7th grade Chorus Class.

this is the dawning of the age of Aquarius

I was a high soprano way back then , which will be funny to anyone who has ever heard my voice on the phone. ( I don't sing anymore, btw)

So a little of this and that for this entry.

1. My trip sucked. Which is sad because I get to travel so rarely.
Okay so only like 70% of it sucked, but that is enough for me. I'll be staying home for awhile.
Remember that scene from Lilo and Stitch, the one where she says , " My Friends need to be punished"? That is how I feel about my trip.
Can I get an " awwwwwwww" ?
Like the airsick wasn't enough, some of them were just plain mean.
I seriously think I would have had a better time with my net friends, than with the people I was with.

2. Loving my new neighbors!
They are so fun, so nice! I think they may become lifefriends .
They are Canadian, from Alberta and have this weirdly cute way of saying things. They drag out their vowels.
Now I am one of those people who mimic without trying. I will adopt your accent easily, and give me a few drinks and I will unconsciously adapt to your whole speaking pattern.
I don't mean to. I am not mocking you, I just do it. I just adapt to a different speaking cadance very easily.
So I keep trying not to mimic the way my new friend speaks, but it's hard, because I naturally fall into the speach pattern of whomever I'm talking to.
She laughs at me. I like her.
Her kids are great too, they think Katie is a goddess.

3. I think I may have found THE PERFECT JOB FOR ME!
I don't have it yet, but I think maybe.
If it isn't, they won't call me, that is how I'll decide if it is perfect or not.
They have my resume, my contact there knows I am interested.
I am leaving it up to powers beyond me, and trying not to worry about it.

4. The Secret.
Hey you know all that media hype about " The Secret"?
Like the whole idea of thinking positive and using afirmations is new?
My Mom was teaching us that stuff way back when we were kids.
She knew it, and her life still sucked.
But I DO know that staying positive, is better than lying in bed crying all day.
( Not that I would do that , very often)
Can you make your world better?
Of course, but only slightly.
I was raised on that shit, and still I struggle with it.
I have decided it is better to be positive, no matter what the universe gives you.
Make lemonade.

5. My Kid is an Brilliant Artist!
I am still trying to figure out how she is going to feed herself, but she is really brilliant!
I mean, she is amazing in how she thinks.
But she is so outside mainsteam, that I am not sure there is a market for her kind of genius.
She is weird, but good weird, amazing talented weird, but how do you make a living on that?
And how do I convince her that showering daily is good?

6. I worry about everything.
My Grandmother used to say that "Worry" was a wasted emotion, that it didn't matter if you fretted , things would be , as they would be.
No matter how much you worried, you couldn't change things, and if you could change it, worrying about it wasn't the way to do it.
I try to remember that, but I've never been good at it.

And Peace will guide the planets, and Love will stear the stars