tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-119001552024-03-23T12:50:55.774-05:00Bug SoupA Broth of Rambling Thoughts ( with some morsels of 'silly' thrown in for flavor)Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.comBlogger110125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-83820682592506264772013-04-19T20:54:00.000-05:002013-04-19T20:54:06.653-05:00Hey! I'm Working Over Here!Get outta my way, because I got stuff to do.<br />
The new job<br />
( promotion from Customer Service to Associate Manager , just in case you hadn't heard)<br />
keeps me busy busy busy.<br />
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There are things I never knew about stores before I worked in the retail industry..<br />
Like , it never occurred to me all those shelves, move. They do! <br />
(and people take them in and out, and move them up and down, and sometimes the shelves hate certain people and bruise their arms, and scratch them. Stupid Shelves!)<br />
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All those signs that you may see, but don't really notice; someone is constantly checking them and changing them , and moving them and updating them. Special sale prices have different signs, and dated signs have to be pulled. It's a thing stores do, all the time.<br />
And had I'd never worked retail, I would have continued to take it all for granted. I would've never noticed most of it at all.<br />
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I find myself so busy, the hours just fly.<br />
Sometimes I really don't want to go to the Store, but I get there, and I get busy, and I am content. I leave exhausted, feet aching, and I am pleased with myself.<br />
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Some days it is my job, and like any JOB, it can be annoying.<br />
Sometimes though, it's like this great puzzle.<br />
Make the pieces fit, and do it so it looks good.<br />
Just give me a project, I got this.<br />
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The people are good. I got co-workers who feel like a second family, and 98% of my customers are great!<br />
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I never would have thought that a Store was the place for me, but I think I'm good at it, and I think sometimes that is enough.<br />
It wasn't ever on my list of "Dream Careers" but maybe it still fits in a way.<br />
I am not a make-up artist for the movies, but I can reset the make-up display.<br />
I am not creating Art, but I can balance color and shapes into appealing displays that lots of people look at.<br />
I am not a Teacher, but I can teach a willing co-worker to do a good job ( and sometimes share a bit of wisdom about life)<br />
So, it may not be my dream, but I can enjoy it as if it were all my dreams.<br />
And who knows, someday I may do some of those other things , or all of those other things.<br />
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When I was very little, my Mom used to clean out cans and save empty cereal boxes for us, so we could play "Store". I'd forgotten about that for many years.<br />
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I liked playing "Store"<br />
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<br />Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-1409019008297969742013-04-10T19:19:00.000-05:002013-04-10T20:01:26.971-05:00I'm a WidowI really am.<br />
What an odd state of being..<br />
<br />
Six months, I have been without my husband, and yet a day does not go by that I don't speak of him, talk of him as if he were just in the other room.<br />
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It isn't even about thinking of him everyday, I talk about him.<br />
Sometimes as if he were still alive , still my daily spouse.<br />
<br />
This week is the six month anniversary of the week he was in the hospital, the last week he lived.<br />
And this coming Saturday is the anniversary of his passing.<br />
<br />
I will be remembering him at Texas Motor Speedway. <br />
At a place where we should have gone more, a symbol of a shared interest.<br />
For 10 years he promised to take me to the Race " next year" .<br />
Now I am going, without him.<br />
I've done alot of things without him in the last six months.<br />
<br />
I was alone for our 21st Wedding Anniversary, without him.<br />
I remembered his 54th Birthday, without him.<br />
We had Thanksgiving and Christmas without him.<br />
We celebrated our Daughters 21st Birthday without him.<br />
I got a promotion at work, I bought a car, we planted a garden, I paid some bills...<br />
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I got up, out of bed, every single day for the last 6 months, without him.<br />
<br />
(And before anyone starts thinking that I am brave or strong, just know, that I got up because I didn't know what else to do)<br />
<br />
I recently said to a friend, that now he is the perfect husband.<br />
" I can still Love him, but now he is never mean to me, never starts an argument , never pisses me off"<br />
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Everyday it gets easier to forget what an asshole he was.<br />
So much an asshole the last few years.<br />
But he's gone now, the good and the bad and the inbetween.<br />
I don't want to be sad, but it's almost harder, that things aren't harder, without him.<br />
<br />
My regrets are all about fixing things.<br />
We will never be able to make us better, and that hurts me.<br />
There is no chance to make it better, no chance to get the life we were meant ti have, the life I wanted us to have.<br />
But there was no chance anyway, he was never going to get better, he was never going to deal with his addiction , or his health. issues, or our marriage.<br />
And I was never going to leave him, even though I should have.<br />
<br />
So what do you do, when you are sad because you are not as broken as you were?<br />
<br />
Music hurts me.<br />
Music was his thing.<br />
Out of nowhere it hits me and makes me cry.<br />
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<span style="background-color: #e1ecf2; color: #2f3032; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;">"Sometimes you think everything is wrapped inside a diamond ring</span><br />
<span class="selection_index" id="selection_index13" style="background-color: #e1ecf2; color: #2f3032; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;"></span><span style="background-color: #e1ecf2; color: #2f3032; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;">Love just needs a witness and a little forgiveness</span><br />
<span class="selection_index" id="selection_index14" style="background-color: #e1ecf2; color: #2f3032; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;"></span><span style="background-color: #e1ecf2; color: #2f3032; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;">And a halo of patience and a less sporadic pace and</span><br />
<span class="selection_index" id="selection_index15" style="background-color: #e1ecf2; color: #2f3032; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;"></span><span style="background-color: #e1ecf2; color: #2f3032; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;">I'm learning to be brave in my beautiful mistakes."</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: #e1ecf2; color: #2f3032; font-family: Arial; font-size: 12px; line-height: 20px;">P!nk - Crystal Ball</span><br />
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<span style="background-color: white; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 28.046875px; text-align: justify;">Sometimes I hate every single stupid word you say,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 28.046875px; text-align: justify;">Sometimes I wanna slap you in your whole face.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 28.046875px; text-align: justify;">There's no one quite like you, you push all my buttons down,</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #4d4d4d; font-family: arial, helvetica, clean, sans-serif; font-size: 17px; line-height: 28.046875px; text-align: justify;">I know life would suck without you.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: #e1ecf2; color: #2f3032; line-height: 20px;"><br />P!nk - True Love</span><br />
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<br />Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-48621835135853292592013-03-26T23:25:00.000-05:002013-03-26T23:25:51.243-05:00<br />
<b>A New and Improved Bug Soup! Now Minty Fresh!</b><br />
<b><br /></b>
Well, new anyway, I guess improved is yet to be seen.<br />
But we at Bug Soup ( meaning me) are ever hopeful and optimistic.<br />
<br />
Things have changed since my last posting.<br />
( which was sometime in 2009, so I am sure we have all changed just a little bit )<br />
But my life has had some big changes, and that is why I have decided to bring back the Soup, and write again. I hope people read me again, but if not, I'm still going to write for me.<br />
<br />
I've been reading over some of my old stuff, and I was so delighted by some of those memories. Even the sad stuff . (Who am I kidding, the happy stuff makes me cry now too.)<br />
I just want to do that again, make myself laugh and cry at my own memories.<br />
<br />
So, the NEW BUG!<br />
The new Buggy is no longer married, but she is, but she isn't.<br />
I am not married, but I am not really single, I am in the early stages of this weird Widow thing.<br />
Most everyone who will ever read this knows that my husband Steve died in October, but I feel like I should write it, for the blog, so I will.<br />
Not all the details of his stroke and that awful week he was in the hospital ( not now anyway) , but something about where I am with it.<br />
<br />
It has been almost 6 months.<br />
Mostly I feel I am okay, but sometimes I know I am not.<br />
We were together 23 years, married nearly 21 years.<br />
The first 10 were good, the last 10 were more of a challenge. The last 2 were Hell.<br />
I wish he were still alive, and I was here complaining about my bad divorce, because I was going to have to leave him.<br />
The stress was going to kill one of us.<br />
<br />
Instead of a divorce, I have a better job, am making more money, a better car ( insurance money, he wanted me to have a better car) , the house is mine, and my everyday life is way less stressful than it was.<br />
I feel bad about that sometimes.<br />
<br />
I wanted to be old with him. I really did.<br />
I wanted him to get better, his health, his alcoholism, our marriage.<br />
I wanted to fix the unfixable, I wanted the marriage we should have had.<br />
Right til the last day, I wanted that.<br />
The last thing I said to him, that I know he heard was , " You have to get better, so we can fix this, and be happy together. You can't die, we can make it right"<br />
He grabbed my arm, and pulled me to him and he kissed me.<br />
I thought he wanted everything to be right, but now I know that he was saying goodbye.<br />
<br />
<br />
I don't know how people with a good marriage feel when they lose a spouse.<br />
<br />
Sometimes I feel lighter, and more together, capable and stronger<br />
Sometimes I feel empty, and lost.<br />
And sometimes, I feel like he is just in the other room and will come walking in at any moment and say,<br />
" Hello Baby!"<br />
<br />
Sometimes I think I am sugar-coating it in my mind, giving the good memories more weight, and blurring the bad stuff.<br />
I have that luxury now, he isn't being loud and mean anymore.<br />
And he was good, and he did love me, for many years. We had some really good times, and I think holding on to the best stuff can only do me good.<br />
<br />
I am sure I need to get some therapy, talk to someone professional. <br />
<br />
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I am good, for the most part. I am "okay". I get up and go to work. I smile. I laugh.<br />
I am thankful for what I have now, and looking forward.<br />
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I hope to use this space to move forward, and share my view of the world, and maybe tell some stories again.<br />
I can't promise I won't be sad, but I'll always be honest ( and I will try to keep the dark stuff to a minimum)<br />
<br />
I am writing again.<br />
Welcome back to Bug Soup<br />
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Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-50352439394346289912009-12-20T00:39:00.002-06:002009-12-20T01:20:48.544-06:00Six Months? Really?It's been since June I posted here?<br />That can't be right.<br />I think of witty things to post here all the time.<br />I dream interesting writings, I do.<br />How can it be that I don't actually type them out?<br /><br />I won't bore you all with the tragic reasons why I don't write much (at all) anymore.<br />Some of you know them.<br />For the rest of you, the Prosaic isn't working like my Doctor promised. I didn't want anti-depressants, because I don't think I'm depressed. I wanted anti-anxiety meds because my life is fucked up beyond my control. <br />I am fine, the shit around me is messed up.<br />The reasons I can't sleep all night isn't me, it's the madman I'm married to.<br />My stress isn't internal, it's him.<br />My anxiety isn't chemical, it's him.<br /><br />Although I will say in the 2 months that I've been on the Prosaic pills, that I have gotten up every morning, I am usually showered, I go to work when schedualed, and I haven't killed anyone. Yet.<br /><br />My problems are my husband's alcohol consumption, and how he behaves after a fifth of whiskey. I am not sure how medicating me, fixes him.<br />Please note that I have not shaved my head, or cut myself before or since being medicated. So maybe it's working.<br />I have anxiety, I have stress, but I don't think it's me.<br /><br />I don't write because everything I have to say is a big bummer.<br />I don't call becasuse I have no good news.<br />I have no happy funny stories to tell.<br />I laugh, but only because I want to cry, all the time.<br />( actually I think the meds might be helping with the "crying all the time" thing)<br /><br />And with all this, Katie is gonna grow up, and leave me, and have a wonderful life.<br />I want to raise her all over again.<br />I would do it again.<br />I enjoyed her so much.<br /><br />Time flies doesn't it?Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-77081183696942898062009-06-13T21:27:00.007-05:002009-06-13T23:10:54.979-05:00I Get By<strong>With a little help from my friends</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />So things are good with me, and mine.<br />Hubby quit drinking 2 weeks ago, but before anyone cheers, he is trying to do it on his own, without medical attention, and without a program or a plan.<br />Things have been better, but I fear that he will fail without something more.<br />I worry, but then I always worry. <br />The most useless of emotions is, worry.<br />It is.<br />Whatever will happen, will happen. Anticipated stress over something not yet real, is worry.<br />But I do it. I worry. I lose sleep over stuff I can't control.<br />I am hopeful that Steve's recovery will work, because our family needs it to.<br />And frankly, I'd gotten afraid that he might accidentally drink himself to death. It had gotten that bad.<br />But it's better now, so much better.<br />And he sometimes does little things, little thoughtful things, that show me it's better, that he is getting better.<br /><br />That's me, ever hopeful.<br /><br />I guess I need to learn to Let it Be.<br /><br /><strong>Money - That's What I Want!</strong><br /><br />Money can't buy me love.<br />But it can pay the bills, and we have had troubles making the ends meet at the end of the month, and sometimes in the middle. I am oh so grateful, oh so thankful that Hubby still has his job, but the cut in overtime has cost us about $ 400 a month. At first it was easy, now it is catching up with us. <br />Have you ever had one of those months when everything breaks at the same time?<br />Have you ever had one of those months at the same time that you were having a broke month?<br />Oh we're okay, we got enough to get us through, oh wait, what? The car broke? Oh okay, we'll juggle this and then we'll ... what? The truck battery? Okay, we can borrow 50 from the kid til payday, wah? Not the A/C, it's 95 degrees with 90% humidity! Oh Okay, we'll ummm, we'll lie around naked under the ceiling fan til we get paid next week, and we'll juggle this bill, the water is due and the electric is late because we stalled it last month , but we can make it til ... WHAT? The garage door opener broke? *sigh*<br /><br />And that all would be temporary stress, until I wake up at 3 a.m. and realize that my kid just became a senior in High School, and that she still can't drive, and we have to get another car because she is scared of the stick shift and I'm not sure she has the right social skills, and we have NO COLLEGE FUND! <br />Fuck!<br />Working class hero, my ass!<br />The working class hero wakes up in the middle of the night in a sweat.<br />And we are doing better than most, we don't have to worry about losing the house, and we have no credit card debt. We haver no credit, but we have no debt. We still have jobs.<br /><br /><strong>Here Comes The Sun</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />But it always gets better.<br />It does. I know.<br />The storms come, and it's hard, but the sun rises.<br />And you have to just get up in the morning.<br />Sometimes, getting up in the morning makes you a success. Just that.<br /><br />My Mom used to tell me, " Stand up straight, put on some lipstick, and do it!"<br />That's it, right?<br />Put your face on and go get it. Just get up and get on with it.<br />Make your own sun, shine your own light.<br /><br /><strong>Let it Be!</strong>Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-10268785610039110332009-04-26T00:43:00.006-05:002009-04-26T03:22:15.396-05:00New Post- Little GemsWeltek wanted a new post, she is lovely and I adore her so I want to give her something new, something fresh.<br />Something not about what an asshole my Husband is. Because goodness knows we are all tired of what an asshole my Husband is ( <span style="font-size:85%;">note that Weltak never called my Hubby an asshole, I did)</span><br /><span style="font-size:85%;"></span><br />I wish I had something to talk about that was happy and positive and didn't revolve around the abusive idiot I married.<br /><br />Maybe I do, because you know I look for those gems, those little things that help me get through the shit. Sometimes it's hard to find those gems, (tonight it's very hard) sometimes it's hard to write good stuff when all I think about is messy . But I am happy to search for them.<br />Sometimes I have to remind myself to search for them.<br /><br />Today's little gems!<br /><br /><strong>The Library Book Sale!</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />Twice a year our local County Library does a used book sale. If you've been reading here for awhile you know I've written about it before. It is awesome! <br />I don't read as much as I used to to, I don't read as much as I'd like to, but I have books.<br />I <em>have</em> to have them. <br />Like stashed candy, hidden away for when I really need it (or that tiny little stash of pot that I never smoke, but I know it's there) <br />I have books.<br />I have books I don't even know I have.<br /><br />The Library Used Book Sale is 2 huge rooms full of books. Tables and tables and tables of books.<br />New books, and most hardcovers go for $1.00, some special books ( or more popular authors) are $2.00. Paperbacks for 25 to 50 cents. Books on tape for $2, old CD's for $1, they even have some DVD's for under $3. <br />It's an amazing thing!<br />I live for the Book Sale!<br />I wish I could bring you all with me to the Book Sale!<br /><br />I come home with a huge bag filled with more than I can read, always.<br /><br />Today I spent $15.00.<br />FIFTEEN BUCKS!<br />I came home with 9 books for me, 2 CD's for the idiot I married, 3 children's books for the kids nextdoor ( Katie picked them so she would have something new to read to them when she babysits. Isn't she amazing? I'm so proud of her.)<br />2 paperbacks for Katie, and a beautiful color photo travelbook of Japan, that she Loves.<br />( We searched and searched for something similar for France, maybe next time.)<br />All that for 15 bucks!<br />And let's not forget the joy of just touching all those books for 2 hours.<br />Ahhhhhhh!<br /><br />The sale is held in the Old Library, the part that has been there since the late 1800's ( there is some very cool very historic old shit in my town, people!)<br />It smells like books, and History, and it's beautiful.<br /><br />Of course I still have a big bag of books that won't fit in my shelves ( and I have several bookshelves, and many baskets for them) from the last book sale, but that's okay. I will never be without something good to read. Ever.<br /><br />And a bonus is a recommendation.<br />Last book sale I bought a book just because I liked the cover, and I picked it up a week ago; finished it yesterday. <br />Janet Fitch - Paint it Black<br />She wrote White Oleander, but I didn't know that when I bought Paint it Black<br />Get it! Read it! It's amazing!<br /><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>I'm Fat</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />Okay so I'm not so much as I used to be , FAT, but I've been slacking and put on some weight.<br />Okay, so <em>slacking</em> is an understatment. ( and maybe <em>some weight</em>, is an understatement too)<br />I have type 2 diabetes, and I'm good when I watch what I eat and keep my weight down and excercise , take my meds , and control my stress.<br />( LAUGH! The stress is the hardest one to control, and it really isn't under my control at all)<br /><br />After the booksale we stopped into the awesomely amazing store , <em>Sweet Repeats.</em><br />One of the resale clothing stores in my town. ( There used to be 0ne, now there are four. I have only been to 2 of them).<br />I tried some on clothes, and then scrapped our original lunch plans for a place that served a salad. ( Katie was pissed ) .<br />I did find a great pair of jeans for 12 bucks, and Katie found a beautiful pair of crystal dangly earrings for $8.<br />I could have found more if I'd been in the mood to look at larger sizes, but it was humid out and I didn't want to totally burn my Book Sale Buzz.<br /><br /><strong>Yes, This all about Shopping, You Gotta a Problem with That?</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />I wanted happy, you wanted happy ( you know you did). <br />This is the happy.<br />Oh and I bought a Shark floor steam cleaner washer thing at my work Friday.<br />I have wanted one forever, ( really really wanted one after Pam bragged about hers) but just couldn't afford it.<br />But for $55 bucks and then another 20% off with my employee discount, I had to have it. <br />We only had 10 of them in the store, and by Sunday they would be gone. I took them off the truck, I put them on the shelf, I already <em>owned</em> it, I had to take it home.<br /><br />It is in the trunk of my car. It will stay there til Hubby goes to work on Monday. <br />He won't even notice it if I get rid of the box.<br />The sad thing is that I worked hard for it, and we can afford it, but he would still <em>bitch</em> about it.<br /><br /><strong>Really Talented Kids - A True Tale of a High School Musical</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />Tonight we went to the High School Musical Production of <em>The Music Man </em>, at my daughter's school.<br />We went because Katie likes a boy who was in the production.<br />It was so good!<br />Her friend played several parts, and he was in most of the show, and he was very good.<br />Very good!<br />And overall the entire show was very entertaining!<br />I never knew that our High School auditorum had an actual <em>orchestra pit </em>in the stage.<br />For real!<br />The production had live music, and it was great!!<br />The kids were all very talented. I mean VERY talented.<br />It was so fun!<br />We got there early, so we had great seats until Katie saw some of her friends and we went and sat with them. The seats not so great, the friends not so polite.<br />Katie has trouble with social issues. She has to work at that which many of us find easy.<br />The social thing.<br />And to be honest, I struggle with understanding it.<br />The social thing is natural for me.<br />I get it, make eye contact, be friendly, be polite. I can talk to anyone.<br />Katie struggles with that. She is working at it, but making friends is hard for her.<br />Fitting in is an issue for her.<br />But these kids were less socially apt then she is.<br />Katie introduced me to her friends , she was polite, they were rude.<br />( And maybe I am just old, but people should wash their hair, just saying)<br /><br />Anyway, my daughter was lovely, and her friend performed so well in the show. ( He's a cutie!)<br />The Show was so good! So Fun!!! <br />I may start going to High School performances just for entetainment.<br />Live theatre for 10 bucks a ticket, can't beat it for the price, and I am all about the little gems.<br /><br />Love ya all<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><strong></strong>Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-65054953847736890792009-03-15T23:21:00.002-05:002009-03-16T00:04:00.481-05:00My Hubby Is a ButtheadOh , he makes me so mad!<br /><br />So the idiot finally cleans out the gutters today ( he hasn't quite grasped the whole "houses need maintenance' thing) and after some mild nagging ( months), he borrows the neighbors ladder , ( because the one we have sucks, but he told me we didn't need a new one, even though the one we have I bought at a garage sale for 2 bucks and it is wooden and short and shakey, and I have to manage to paint the house with it, whatever!) and FIANALLY is going to clean the gutters.<br /><br />He comes in after about an hour and rants about how bad the job is.<br /><br />" The gutters have 3 inches of yuck in them!" They smell! It's like they haven't been cleaned in 3 years!!!!!!"<br /><br />Yes. <br />So?<br />They haven't been cleaned in 3 years.<br />( Does he think we had some special self-cleaning rain gutters?)<br />I didn't say it, but who does he thinks does everything else?<br />Umm, does he think his laundry doesn't smell? <br />Gee, where does he think those underwear he drops all over the bathroom floor go?<br />Does he think the windows don't get dirty? <br />Who does he think does EVERYTHING ELSE!!!<br /><br />I wanted to fire the gardener because it costs too much and they don't even do a good job.<br />I said that for less than one months cost we could buy a lawnmower, and he says, " So you wanna mow the lawn?"<br /><br />I didn't even feel sorry for him when he fell off the ladder.<br /><br />"Do you need to go to the Hospital?"<br />"No"<br />"Then take an asprin and shut up"<br /><br />My Husband does NOTHING!!!! around the house, EVER!!!!<br /><br />Last weekend he decided he was going to <em>help </em>me with laundry. He ran 5 loads of laundry, and dumps all of it on the sofa as it came out of the dryer. It took me 3 hours to sort and fold and hang and re-wash on Monday.<br />Okay, Thanks for all the help.<br /><br />I do everything!<br />EV ER Y THING!<br />Now He thinks I should work more hours.<br />OH MY GOD!<br /><br />The only thing he does is take out the trash on Sunday night, when he remembers.<br />He doesn't do other stuff, because he " Works for a living!"<br /><br />Am I crazy, or is he a total BUTTHEAD!?Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com75tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-52549517325241618282009-03-14T00:59:00.004-05:002009-03-14T02:16:13.848-05:00Dirty Secrets<em>Do you wanna be on top?</em><br /><em></em><br />I love that theme song for America's Next top Model.<br />I don't watch the show in real time, I don't watch the new season, but I am addicted to the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">marathon's</span> of past seasons they show on Oxygen each week.<br />You mean I can watch an entire season of a Reality show in one day????<br />Oh My, I am so there!<br /><br />I can't stand Tyra on her talk show, ( she pretends it's about 'real' but it's totally about looks and surface shit) but give me the over the top crazy Tyra on ANTM, and I love it!<br />On Sunday's they do a whole season of ANTM, and then they rerun it again on Monday.<br />I watch on Monday til 7 p.m. and then record the last 3 hours to watch later in the week.<br />( It's perfect, I'm home alone, I get laundry done, I can practice my <em>fierce looks</em>)<br /><br />I guess it was appropriate that I was watching recorded episodes of Top Model on Thursday afternoon when I got the phone call that my Aunt Sue had died.<br /><br /><em>The phone rang, I did my fierce runway walk down the hall til I heard the message on the machine. </em><br /><em></em><br />My Aunt Sue, the glamorous one , in a family of beautiful women.<br />She was mistaken for Elizabeth Tayler more than once in the 60's, in fact one of Sue's favorite stories was that she ran into Richard Burton in a bar in Palm Springs , and he told her that she looked just like his wife.<br />Think Liz Taylor in Giant, yes, that beautiful.<br />Sue was stunning.<br />She was also a huge superficial bitch.<br /><br />Aunt Sue told me when I was 13 that I should be a model.<br />She taught me how to walk and how to shape my brows, and told me that as soon as I was tall I' could be famous.<br />In the 70's all models were tall, and blond, and had perfect teeth,<em> </em>I had none of those things.<br />But Shu Shu gave me confidence, and a runway walk, even though I never got taller than 5'4"<br /><br />I am going to sound horrible here, but she was mean.<br />Much as I loved her, since hearing about her passing, most of my memories of her are bad.<br />I keep trying to think of good things.<br />She was a real bitch.<br /><br /><br />So my Runway walk wasn't as sharp as it could have been, since I had a little medical condition.<br />A not so little boil, at the top of my leg, you might say in my groin area ( my Doctor did).<br />It wasn't as big as a golf ball, but it wasn't much smaller than one either.<br />I have never had pain like that ever.<br />I was looking on the internet to find a remedy, and everything said that if your boil lasts more than a week and if you have Diabeties , go to the Doctor.<br />Hot compresses weren't working and it had been 3 weeks, and I knew I needed to see the Doc.<br />OMG!!!! It hurt sooo bad!<br />Like the most painful thing ever!<br />The Doctor stuck a needle in me and I know I went pale because I felt my face go cold and I heard her saying, " breathe Erica, breathe through your nose".<br />I almost passed out, it hurt so bad.<br />It still hurts, but not like it did.<br />Horrible.<br /><br />I could have been America's Next Top Model, but instead I'm a short middle aged housewife with boils.<br /><br />I have really well groomed eyebrows, and a fierce runway walk though.<br />Thanks Auntie Sue.<br /><br />I'll miss youBuggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-27300483589423923772009-02-28T23:08:00.008-06:002009-03-01T01:02:10.319-06:00March Stuff<strong>Katie</strong><br /><br /><br /><br /><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5308085707302199570" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 170px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 104px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjypzqdoamwKSKYu_ZEMzO1XD-EpKrBdxO23gJGcv7yPqEy1kQqRRB1Ude38g7nRs7OT1T2yZ2X9W5QyL4EC6BgwU0UiK07rcTW2qoZyersYSHWkvD6-bvbLc5pa7ip77pXyB9UXw/s320/Katie.jpg" border="0" /><br /><br />Monday is my baby's Birthday.<br /><br /><div>Happy Birthday Katie!</div><br /><br /><div>We knew she was going to be a C-section, ( she was breach from 6 months on, never would turn, that stubborn thing) and I was so afraid she would be born on Leap Day.</div><br /><br /><div>Seventeen.</div><div>I was an adult at 17, she isn't yet, and I am so glad for that.</div><br /><div>But just the thought that my child is 17, makes me cry. </div><br /><div>I don't want her to change, I love her just the way she is right now. </div><div>I have loved her just the way she is every year, so I am sure I will be just as happy with her when she is 18, and 20 and 30.</div><br /><br /><div>Those of you with small kids, don't blink, it goes so fast. Too fast.</div><br /><div>The photo is Katie at 12, one of my favorites.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div><strong></strong></div><div><strong></strong></div><div><strong>Advertisments</strong></div><br /><div><strong></strong></div><div>Or as my Grandmother used to say "Ad VER tis ments"</div><br /><div>I said to my Hubby a couple of years ago that if McDonalds stopped running ads we wouldn't forget they existed. </div><br /><div>Weird thing is that today I realized that I hadn't seen a MickieD ad for awhile. I saw an online ad for McDonalds, that made me realize that I hadn't seen a TV commercial in a long while. They used to run on the TV all day, but when was the last time you saw a McD's ad on the TV? </div><div>Think about it.</div><div>And Car company ads were thick, but not lately.</div><div>I think it's a money thing.</div><div>McDonalds is doing okay, so they don't need to spend money on TV comercials, Car companies can't afford as many TV spots so they are fewer.</div><div>I think it's a money thing.</div><div>Just an observation.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div><strong></strong></div><br /><div><strong></strong></div><br /><div><strong></strong></div><div><strong>MARCH FORTH</strong></div><br /><div><strong></strong></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>March 4th, march forth!</div><div>Say it outloud.</div><div>March FORTH!</div><div>My Mom used to say it was a special day because of how it sounded.</div><div>In my family it was another chance to start the new year.</div><div>Did your year start off badly? Did you already fuck up your resolutions?</div><div>Well you get another chance go start over, yes you do.</div><br /><div>March Fourth!</div><div>It's nearly Spring and you can just march right into it.</div><div>Yes!</div><div>It's new, new year start.</div><div>Celebrate MarchForth!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div><strong></strong></div><div><strong>Stuff You Should Do</strong></div><br /><div><strong></strong></div><br /><div><strong></strong></div><div>Besides marching forth and hugging your kids ( and taking pictures when they are little, I didn't take enough pictures) </div><br /><div>You should</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Send some mental *HUGS* to Silvergirl and her family. They have some health concerns and could use the good thoughts and prayers.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Call an old friend, someone you haven't talked to in awhile.</div><div>I talked to 2 friends last week that I hadn't connected with in years. Both are people I have known for about 30 yrs. They are your past, they share your memories. </div><div>( For me it was refreshing to know that they think I am the same, that we could "pick up" like yesterday, that no matter what happens, we share a common past.)</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Read FADE by Lisa McMann.</div><div>I know she is my friend, so I may be a bit partial, but the woman can write. </div><div>And you know there is just something wonderful about watching someone have a dream and acheive it. Supporting a good writers dream is rewarding to the reader.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Speaking of reading.</div><div>You should go to Superman's blog.</div><div>He is writing again, and it's good stuff.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div>And always, be kind to someone everyday.</div><div>Smile even when you don't feel like it ( sometimes you should smile especially when you don't feel like it) .</div><br /><div>Be patient.</div><div>Patient is hard, and that is why you should try.</div><br /><div></div><br /><div>Be Well!</div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div></div><br /><div><br /><br /></div><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><br /><div></div>Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-61859324861797139102009-02-05T22:13:00.005-06:002009-02-05T22:28:43.335-06:00My Pantry - AfterAll clean!<br />If I say so myself, it's a neat as one of my grocery shelves at work.<br />It still needs a brighter bulb though. <br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmDDUm8_LLwIccfmAK5rkcEc2NOuU0wwDsGsILSEBNHdgElUcBOJnG3RIt1N9Cmg72ye8YIhzeAsWW_O5OrbnJaWhrRhceu2TQ5pCpqD5ES3Of-JPJvfDcBJpB61ju-eYZxXa9SQ/s1600-h/Xmas+2008+%2B+Misc+041.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5299535043936462850" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgmDDUm8_LLwIccfmAK5rkcEc2NOuU0wwDsGsILSEBNHdgElUcBOJnG3RIt1N9Cmg72ye8YIhzeAsWW_O5OrbnJaWhrRhceu2TQ5pCpqD5ES3Of-JPJvfDcBJpB61ju-eYZxXa9SQ/s320/Xmas+2008+%2B+Misc+041.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgquqLfQHF31mMgHmhogg4fMKbFXyNSeCBTKFuyDCAfOxsFm8DGPQAG4qyi4Z2NgyHdrTmwFvfIRaz3v8MElxMeISKIXN6XTHrk7MN6iDMJYu6dXbEVNoPMvcouVxTYTye29pYIQ/s1600-h/Xmas+2008+%2B+Misc+040.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5299534198167221106" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjgquqLfQHF31mMgHmhogg4fMKbFXyNSeCBTKFuyDCAfOxsFm8DGPQAG4qyi4Z2NgyHdrTmwFvfIRaz3v8MElxMeISKIXN6XTHrk7MN6iDMJYu6dXbEVNoPMvcouVxTYTye29pYIQ/s320/Xmas+2008+%2B+Misc+040.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeXxYdnC7ZW9tGGiR-Hnzd6p8dCFkdutnob9gYaDWq0DUyCAO6R0hKjnzriVcDLdjbWMXeWS9IcubltEA5H8n3rjxsRg3oPLWO1fiYZ5OwolyEV4-1ykkWCLtvOMUWcL4wMHQ6Zw/s1600-h/Xmas+2008+%2B+Misc+039.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5299533050848833586" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgeXxYdnC7ZW9tGGiR-Hnzd6p8dCFkdutnob9gYaDWq0DUyCAO6R0hKjnzriVcDLdjbWMXeWS9IcubltEA5H8n3rjxsRg3oPLWO1fiYZ5OwolyEV4-1ykkWCLtvOMUWcL4wMHQ6Zw/s320/Xmas+2008+%2B+Misc+039.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><br /><div></div></div></div>Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-12185992435608739902009-02-05T10:43:00.003-06:002009-02-05T10:50:05.435-06:00My Dirty Pantry ( before)I hope there will be some "After" pictures to go with these.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQUMcRBc5j0rqlZqzaSs6rJpGHLCXLR9uHE63mzLnUZ_b8d4kBBg46YILW7m8ec2QXpe1Odi0fnDea6wrEwsg3h3dfz1YYTKBj0dF-b8VYOtG_s2OcR07HOfrGWJ6pvV_jhj8uNQ/s1600-h/Xmas+2008+%2B+Misc+038.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5299356080337946274" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjQUMcRBc5j0rqlZqzaSs6rJpGHLCXLR9uHE63mzLnUZ_b8d4kBBg46YILW7m8ec2QXpe1Odi0fnDea6wrEwsg3h3dfz1YYTKBj0dF-b8VYOtG_s2OcR07HOfrGWJ6pvV_jhj8uNQ/s320/Xmas+2008+%2B+Misc+038.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><div><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuaF5d74YwZYCl26mXwMOosjIrvGDG5TLe-c2J2holt0BSXT5ykOxLQdABE2URR5S7g1dfdcaFQGMQdEQ08E2YH9TNzOsYHRILv_0FSamz2xtIxMro4kof7V_v2l9VwmJ6Ijr-MA/s1600-h/Xmas+2008+%2B+Misc+037.jpg"><img id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5299355707296664290" style="DISPLAY: block; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 240px; CURSOR: hand; HEIGHT: 320px; TEXT-ALIGN: center" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjuaF5d74YwZYCl26mXwMOosjIrvGDG5TLe-c2J2holt0BSXT5ykOxLQdABE2URR5S7g1dfdcaFQGMQdEQ08E2YH9TNzOsYHRILv_0FSamz2xtIxMro4kof7V_v2l9VwmJ6Ijr-MA/s320/Xmas+2008+%2B+Misc+037.jpg" border="0" /></a><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div></div><br /><br /><div></div></div>Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-89287594885232370282009-01-23T19:58:00.004-06:002009-01-23T22:06:54.622-06:00I Am Woman!I am tired!<br /><br />So last year I quit my job to do Home Projects.<br />It was good, I got some stuff done, but no where near what I wanted to get done.<br />( with more money I could do so much)<br />I am always picturing a new something, a cleaner thing.<br />And my wants aren't extravagant, just a little better.<br /><br />(For instance, the house has the same crummy construction paint that it had when it was built. That would be okay, except when I wash a wall the paint comes off. So the whole house needs interior paint.)<br /><br />I don't know why I complain at all.<br />I want more money, but I want to work less hours. ( and I should complain about a 9 a.m. t0 3 p.m. shift? Sometimes it's 9-2)<br /><br />I want to be home more, I want to work 3 days a week, but that doesn't pay enough for me to do the projects I want.<br />Whine!<br /><br />I want a chicken for my kitchen! Dammit!<br />(I saw several that were awesome at Hobby Lobby, but I can't buy a $30 chicken, that's crazy!)<br /><br />So I do what I can,.<br />I can buy cans of paint at WalMart for 12 bucks, and I can bust my ass painting walls on my days off.<br /><br />One wall at a time, one room at a time.<br />I had this whole week off.<br /><br />Up the ladder, down the ladder ( I bought a cheap wooden ladder at a yard sale but it is way too shakey and I almost fell a couple times, so now<em> </em>I have my neighbors ladder ( It is almost tall enough, if I stand on my toes)<br /><br />Took me two days to do the kitchen and dining area, but the living room wall connects, so I'll have to do it too. Very high ceilings in there.<br /><br />Hubby helped.<br />He helped peel the tape off after I was done.<br /><br />For about 8 months I tried to discuss color options with him and he didn't want to hear it.<br />So I went ahead and did it without him.<br /><br />Last Summer Katie and I painted the front bathroom and the guest room. We re-wallpapered the bathroom border ( we had to, after I removed the ugly pink stuff , I found that it had been floated out smooth, and paint wouldn't stick, and there was no texture under the paper so we put up new. And we did an awesome job! Our first time with wallpaper and you can't see the seams.)<br /><br />Last night he questioned something ( after I'd been working all day on the house) and I looked at him and said,<br /><br />" Are you picking up a paintbrush? Because if you aren't, the time for your imput is long gone."<br /><br />His answer was . " I hate painting!"<br /><br />The living room is going to be a chore, high ceilings, 12 feet.<br />Hubby won't help.<br />He says he won't help.<br />He got pissed when I asked if he would help me tape it off.<br />But I am going to need him to move the electronics stuff.<br />I figure I'll just paint around it til I can't anymore, and then he'll have to move the TV and the stereo.<br /><br />I am woman, watch me paint!<br /><br />( But damn it hurts, my knees ache, my hands are cramping, my back aches, and the dissapointment hurts most of all)Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-11343590348440706752009-01-01T16:58:00.003-06:002009-01-01T22:55:00.523-06:00Animal TalesMore stories this entry.<br />What can I say, they are running around in my head, and they are probably more interesting than the self-indulgent complaint stuff. <br />( Though <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">ya'll</span> are very kind when I whine about stuff)<br /><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>Predatory Cats</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />So lately I've been having these weird experiences with men, or should I say, BOYS.<br />Young men seem to be flirting with me.<br />I know! <br />So weird!<br />Some of them are very young, and it's creeping me out.<br /><br />I'm not going to say that I'm unattractive, in fact some days I know I look pretty darn good. <br />I've always been comfortable being friendly with men that I'm comfortable with ( friends, some co-workers) , I talk to men quite easily. <br />I have noticed men are more friendly to me since I lost weight, but I don't think I was ever unattractive. I was fat, not ugly.<br /><br />I'm chatty by nature, like to make people laugh, will strike up a conversation with just about anyone, it's who I am.<br />But let's just be really clear, I am not the "<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Hottie</span>". I don't look like the type that you'd think a really young man would be interested in. <br />I'm not tall, I'm not busty, I'm not sexy. <br />I have age spots on my hands.<br />I'm not putting myself down, like I said before, I think I'm an attractive enough woman, but it is what it is.<br />Ya know? <br />I am who I am.<br /><br />Recently one of the young boys that I work with, nice kid about 20, was shocked that I was over 40.<br />( I won't re-cap the whole conversation, but I made a joke about being old when I asked him to help me lift something, and I ended up telling him my age)<br /><br />Now?<br /><br /><br /><br /><br />He follows me around like a puppy.<br />And he told some of the other young guys what my age is, and all of a sudden they all seem to think I'm "Hot". <br />Huh? What?<br />Because I'm over 40 I'm more attractive?<br /><br />Not only am I old enough to be their mother, but I'm married ( really married) and I wear a ring.<br />I joke with then, but never in a sexual way, never in a flirty way.<br />But they are flirting with me! I am pretty sure of it.<br />One even came up and told me that " For 44, you are really hot! I've always liked older women!"<br />YIKES!<br />What the hell do you say to that?<br />( What I did say , in a really deadpan tone, was " How hot would I be for 60?" But the joke went over his empty young head.)<br /><br />My sister has had young men issues too. Perfectly nice guys who she would want to be friends with, but who want to "get to know her better". <br />She is also in her ( very early) 40's.<br />( sorry <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">Deenie</span>)<br />But it's not like she is seeking these men out, they are looking for her.<br /><br />Yesterday a woman about my age ( though no where near as cute as me, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">thankyouverymuch</span>) came into my store with a young man that had to be her son. He was 16 to 20 years old. Possibly my daughter's age, maybe a bit older, but no way was he older than 20.<br />Cute kid, but so young that I took a second look to see if maybe I'd served him lunch at the middle school ( over 6 years as a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Lunchlady</span> I know lots of the young people in town).<br />I didn't know him, and I was a little shocked when he checked me out. <br />Like really 'checked me out' , like smiled and looked at my tits, 'checked me out'.<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Ewwwwww</span>!<br />I was called to my register and ended up being the one to , well , check them out.<br />And after I rang up the mom's stuff, I rang up his stuff and he says ( I swear!) " How you <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">doin</span>'?" and winked at me.<br />He winked at me!!<br />In front of his mom!<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">ACK</span>!<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">Ick</span>!<br /><br />Again I want to say that I was not all tarted up, not dressed for clubbing , barely wearing any make-up, ugly work vest over black collar shirt with work jeans. I'd been working the warehouse boxes most of the morning .<br />I was a mess and this young boy was winking at me.<br />There is something very wrong here.<br /><br />I blame the big cats for this.<br />I blame the Cougars.<br />These women have made young men think that any woman over 40 is "hot to trot" with them.<br /><br />( Bonus points for knowing the 70's TV show reference)<br /><br />Those Damn Cougars!<br />Women my age that want the very young men are making my life awkward.<br />I have no issue with a bit of age difference, I try not to judge, but there is a point where it becomes icky.<br />Admit it.<br /><br />To all the young men out here<br />If you look at me with hungry eyes?<br />I'm going to want to serve you a sandwich with a side of fries.<br />That's it, that's all, back off!<br /><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>The Wolf</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />So you all wanna hear about the sexual predator at my work?<br />Yep, an actual "registered sex offender".<br /><br />He's 30. He is doing probation for having sex with a 16 year old.<br />He isn't bad looking, but he is one of those guys who is all pumped up and thinks he is 'All That!'<br />Yucky.<br /><br />The very first time I met him he made sure to mention that his nipples are pierced, I made sure to mention that I was married.<br />He is one of those guys who thinks he is Casanova, that all women want him.<br />He flirts with every female he comes across, 8 to 80.<br />I think he just tries everyone and hopes that something takes the bait.<br /><br />The first time he was reprimanded at work and threatened with being fired by the boss was about 2 months ago, and before the boss knew about the conviction for Statutory Rape.<br /><br />The Wolf was telling the other <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">stockers</span> ( not me, thank Gawd!) about some girl that rubbed his package. The idiot was telling this very graphic ( I was told later) story on the sales floor, in the aisles, within hearing of customers.<br />One of the guys he told the story to was on his way to the front of the store to tell the manager about it, but an elderly lady customer got there first and complained.<br />Oh bad news!<br />The Boss was furious!<br /><br />A week or so after this incident the store manager ( The Boss) warned me about The Wolf, and asked if I'd been offended in any way by him, and told me to let him know if I was uncomfortable working with him, because by then the manager knew that The Wolf had been convicted of sex with a teen.<br /><br />Now I know there are privacy issues and the Manager probably shouldn't have told me about another employees legal issues, but The Wolf had been bragging about it all over the store, so the Boss figured the guy had waived the privacy thing.<br />And the Boss was just waiting to find out if the Corporate Office would require a firing.<br /><br />The manager and I talked about it, we agreed that there are some young girls that look older, and pretend to be older, and that The Wolf could have made a mistake, but that he had other issues.<br />I mentioned that I thought he was overly flirty with customers and I brought up the fact that Corporate may not be comfortable with keeping The Wolf for liability issues. The Manager brought up the fact that we had 2 female employees under the age of 18, and that concerned him. He was worried about his female employees, but he also didn't want to treat anyone unfairly.<br /><br />( I want to add here that my Store Manager is a great person! I really like him as a Boss and as a Friend. He often talks to me about things and treats me as a peer, he listens to me, and seeks my opinion on 'people stuff'. )<br /><br />I didn't mention all the offensive things The Wolf had said to me, and there were quite a few things I could have shared. ( Like the time I had a cough and The Wolf told me I needed " an injection of penis-<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">cilin</span>" )<br /><br />I'm a big girl, and if I'd felt threatened, I'd have said something. <br />I have no qualms about reporting a co-worker that makes me feel uncomfortable. <br />( But I don't report people who are just lame and icky)<br />It wasn't until after he was convicted and put on a 'Predator List' that I had real issues with his behavior.<br />He bragged about his conviction, he made fun of it, made light of it. Told the younger guys how he was a 'Stud' in the eyes of the law.<br />He talked about how cool his probation was, how fun his court ordered meetings were.<br />Before I got a chance to discuss it with the manager, the word from Corporate came down and the guy was fired.<br /><br />Problem solved?<br />Not hardly.<br />The Wolf comes into the store all the time now.<br />At least 3 times a day sometimes more, everyday.<br /><br />Now he isn't an employee , and my personal comfort zone is different.<br />I would still complain if he made me feel offended, but what threat is there to him?<br /><br />He buys a can of soda, or a pack of gum, and then he wanders the store talking up the female customers. ( Yesterday I saw him showing pictures of his son to some cute girl customers, flirting ).<br />He goes out to his car, waits awhile, and then comes back in to prowl about, over and over, all day.<br /><br />I told one co-worker that I was mentally planing where I would hide the day he showed up with a gun.<br />I was only half kidding, she knew it, and agreed.<br />Turns out that I am not the only one concerned that he drives through the parking lot all day long, and comes into the store over and over all day long.<br />Several of the younger women employees have voiced concern over him, he seems to be bolder now that the threat of termination is gone.<br />I've mentioned to whatever manager is on duty ( The Boss, the Store Manager is on vacation this week) how often The Wolf comes in the store, just so they are aware.<br /><br />I wasn't that worried about him when he was an employee, there are rules about harassment, there are options of complaint.<br />Now? I'm really uncomfortable.<br /><br /><br /><strong>The Stray</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />Hubby met a cat and she took a shine to him, and he brought her home.<br /><br />He needed her, he needed the good thing she represented.<br />But he brought her home way too soon.<br /><br />At Hubby's work there is a wooded area behind them ( in front there is a very busy highway, and close by , I-20 a Freeway). <br />The animals come around from the woods and the idiots feed them ( Hubby included).<br />There are lots of feral cats, and raccoons and stuff.<br />( Of course there are, they put out food for them)<br /><br />And this one little kitty that would let Hubby pet her. She would show up as soon as she heard his truck in the morning, she would sit in his office ( I use the word "office" loosely) and she would eat out of his hand, literally.<br /><br />Hubby kept telling me about this little girl, talking about her, worrying about her when it was cold at night.<br />So one night I tell him that that he should get her used to people , that if he thinks she can be saved, he can bring her home someday, but that he has to "tame" her first.<br /><span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">Ummm</span>, not right away, not before she is ready.<br /><br />Smokey came home this Tuesday, while I was at work ( Hubby is off work this week).<br />Smokey is beat up.<br />I can't even imagine how hard a life this little thing has had, and I'm not even sure it's a female ( <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">I can't</span> get a good look under it)<br />If it's female it could be pregnant, her belly is big, but not so big it's a given.<br />Lots of unknowns with Smokey.<br /><br />What is known, is that Smokey has had a hard life.<br />She may have been a pet a one time, she isn't <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_13">completely</span> wild, but she is very scared and likes small dark corners.<br />She wasn't ready to come home to a home yet, but I'll take her.<br />The tip of one ear is gone, and she has scars all over. Her tail looks short to me, she may have lost the tip.<br />She is a solid dark gray, not a blue, just dark gray.<br />Her eyes, well , I get why Hubby got soft on her, I fell in Love with them first look.<br /><br />I am so practical about Pets, it's why we didn't have them for so long.<br />( Years ago I worked at a Veterinary Hospital)<br />I am a firm <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">believer in being responsible if you are going to care for animals.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">You have to be willing and able to do the work, and willing and able to give the Love, and willing and able to pay the costs of good vet care. </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">If you can't care for them properly, don't have pets.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">And Simber is our cat, he is our family ( don't have a pet if it isn't going to be part of the Family) and Simber is freaked out about Smokey. Lots of chasing and hissing.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Smokey doesn't like to be picked up, or held. </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Petting and ear scritching is cool with her, but no holding. </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">So I grab her, and hold her, because even though she hates it, she needs it.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'm not a big animal person, if they are too much effort I don't see the need, but I believe in being responsible for those you bring into your home. </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I think Steve brought her home too soon, she is way too afraid of people still, and Simber isn't helping ( we had a hissing chasing incident last night, the Sim is as freaked out as the Smokey is)</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">But you should see her! </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">She may not know it, but she needs us, and she is going to take way more time and effort to domesticate than Hubby thinks. </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">But I think she is worth it.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'd love tips and hints and guidence to help me make Smokey trust me. And I need help in making Simber accept her a a family member too.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I promised her that she would never be hungry, or cold, or alone again.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I don't know why, but I fell in love with this cat. I want her so much.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Right now she is hiding just out of my reach under the bed.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I'll post pictures when I can get her to be stiil.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I am not giving up on this cat.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">(Note- "Simber" was named by my daughter for a character in a not yet published ( but brilliant!) novel by Lisa McMann)</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span>Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-71340502774904628352008-12-24T23:09:00.002-06:002008-12-24T23:24:14.604-06:00Merry ChristmasI wish you all warm and safe.<br />I wish your loved ones all warm and safe.<br /><br />I am sitting near my tree, and it looks like memories.<br />My fireplace is glowing, there are lights across the mantle and scented candles.<br />My Hubby is snoring on the sofa, my Baby is sleeping safe in her bed with the cat at her feet.<br />My all, is well.<br />I wish the same for you , that feeling, that content.<br /><br />I have had some real lows this year, and I know many who have had lower , but I am optimistic about the future.<br /><br />Tonight, all is quiet, all is bright.<br />Tonight I got that feeling.<br />You know, that spirit in your heart feeling?<br />I got that.<br />I hope you all get that feeling too.<br /><br />Be Well<br />Be Loved<br />Merry EverythingBuggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-66638090952806123022008-12-13T22:15:00.003-06:002008-12-14T00:44:36.034-06:00Story TimeI know it's been awhile since I updated.<br />Hell, I know it's been awhile since I interacted in a real way in the Bloggy world.<br /><br />I can't wait to give ya'll every single teeny tiny detail of my life for the last 5 months!<br /><br />Ha! Not really.<br /><br />I do have a new computer! Yay!<br />Things have been good, and things have been bad, and life is life, and ya'll know I am okay.<br />I hope everyone is well.<br />I thought I'd tell some stories.<br /><br /><strong>Economics</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />There is this little store I go to when I don't want to drive all the way ( 5 miles) into town to the real grocery store. It's a small grocery, they don't always have everything I need, but it's got milk and eggs and soda and cat food and paper towels, you know, all the basics. <br />I can quickly pick up what I need for dinner, and it's less than a mile from my house.<br />So there is this new guy there the other day bagging my stuff. He's got to be in his 70's, though he looks very healthy. Nice guy, we visit, chit chat. I liked him very much.<br /><br />While he is loading my stuff in the car he tells me that just last year, at this time, he and his wife were spending 3 months in Europe, they visited 5 countries.<br />He said, " and this year, I am bagging groceries and sweeping floors"<br /><br />Now he didn't say it all sad sacky like, he was just very matter of fact, like, " it is what it is"<br /><br />But it made me think.<br />And as I drove home I wondered if they regretted spending that money on the trip to Europe, or if they were grateful they did it while they could.<br />I hope that either way, it was a wonderful trip.<br /><br /><br /><strong>Vanity</strong><br /><br />So I work with this woman who never smiles.<br />Everyone tries to be nice to her, but she is known as "The BITCH".<br />I got over my need to be liked by her a long time ago. I still say "GoodMorning" to her, I am still nice, but I gave up on getting any response from her. She is seriously not friendly, ever.<br /><br />A couple weeks ago I think I got some insight into why she never smiles.<br />Let me recreate the scene.<br />It is me and the BossMan, and the GrumpyWoman reorganizing the snack ailse, I am leaving as my shift is over, and I am tired.<br /><br /><em>Boss- So Buggy, we are stacking you</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Buggy- Me?</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Boss- The nuts! You're nuts, right? We're stacking the canned nuts</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Buggy - Ha ha, you are so funny</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Boss- Well I didn''t say you were a "nutcase", but you are a little nutty</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Buggy- Maybe I am nuts, I'm still here and I'm still smiling</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Boss- Everybody smiles here</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>*long pause where both me and the boss look at Grumpy Woman*</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Grumpy Woman- I don't smile, it causes wrinkles</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Buggy- What? Really? ( and I am thinking "could that really be the reason she never smiles?")</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Boss- I heard it takes more muscles to frown than to smile</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Grumpy Woman- I don't frown, I don't smile, I keep my face neutral</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>????????</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>WHAT!</em><br /><em></em><br />So it got me to thinking that maybe she isn't the meanest rudest bitch I know, maybe she is just totally vain. Totally vain in a creepy way.<br /><br />I think, there is nothing prettier than a smile, a face can only be improved by a genuine smile.<br />The homliest face looks better when it is wearing happiness. And doesn't that affect your mood? To never smile? Sometimes I smile when I don't feel like it just to trick myself into feeling better.<br /><br />I've thought about that exchange since, and I've watched her since, and she does keep her face nuetral, and she doesn't respond in a normal way.<br /><br />So being the good person that I am, I do everything I can now to make her laugh.<br />( And trust me I will say some outrageously weird shit to her, just to watch her face twitch)<br /><br />I don't need her to like me, I don't care if she likes me ( she's shallow and mean anyway), but making her laugh when she doesn't want to move the muscles in her face? <br />That is some fun shit right there.<br /><br />The Boss and I had a conversation a few days after that, it went like this.<br /><br /><em>Buggy - Oh no! Don't smile, you could get wrinkles!</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Boss- *laugh* I know! That was weird right?</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Buggy- Oh yes, that was weird. I thought only I thought that was weird.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Boss- No, it was weird.</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Buggy- It was!</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Boss- Why would someone not want to smile?</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Buggy- It explains alot</em><br /><em></em><br /><em>Boss- oh yea it does</em><br /><em></em><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong>December</strong><br /><br />Wake me up when December ends.<br />I said last year that I would never work retail during the Holidays again, and when I went back to the store in August it never occurred to me that I'd be here again.<br />Here I am, in retail, in December.<br />It's not the customers, it's not the store, it's me.<br /><br />It's all around me everyday, the decorations, the music, the happy people, the gift buying, the holiday foods ( OMG , I love the holiday food aisle!!)<br />And yet, I feel like I missed it.<br />In retail, Xmas starts around September, and I never feel like I have a handle on it personally.<br /><br />In my own life I scramble, and never catch up. I always feel off balance.<br /><br />December is Birthday month in my family.<br />My Brother is the 3rd, my Sister is the 11th, add that together you get my Mom on the 14th, my Husband is the 16th, our Anniversay is the 7th ( Pearl Harbor Day and my Aunt's Birthday and the day our half-sister died), my Mother-in-Law's Birthday is the 5th ( the anniversary of my Mother's passing) and various other stuff.<br />Iwas sick all week.<br />I missed calling my Sister on her Birthday.<br />I didn't mean to, I thought about her all day, but she didn't know that.<br />She was also sick, and alone, and December is hard for us, it's the Mom month.<br />I meant to send her a gift, and I didn't. I didn't get it done, and I feel awful because she felt alone. I didn't even call her that day.<br /><br />She's my first Baby, my Baby Sister.<br />My Deena!<br />I suck!<br />( Please send my Deenie warm Birthday thoughts!)<br /><br /><strong>December </strong>( Part 2)<br /><br />I miss my Mom<br /><br /><strong>Saturday in The Park!</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />Having my Computer back is awesome!<br />I love my games, and my new system plays the greatest game ever!<br />If you haven't played Roller Coaster Tycoon, you are missing out!<br />And RCT 3!! You can ride the rides!<br />RCT is a simulation game, you build your own Rollercoaster park. You lay the paths, you build the food courts, you put in plants and flowers , and benches and trash cans, and rides!<br />You hire janitors ( you decide what they wear) and Mechanics ( to fix your rides), you set prices and place potties, and rule the whole thing.<br />I LOVE it!<br />I hide in it.<br />I liked RTC and RTC 2 and in RTC 3 I can name a peep after my hubby and watch him get sick riding the Coasters! It's awesome!<br />It touches the part of me that wants to be a total control freak.<br /><br /><strong>A Wonderful Life</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />I never saw the movie " It's a Wonderful Life" til I was 30.<br />I now try to watch it every year.<br />I always get something different out of it.<br />I own it on DVD, but I always watch it on TV.<br />It's a "Holiday" thing for me.<br />I always hope that someone was touched by me, that someone had their life changed by something I did or said.<br />I like the idea that we all have influence over the lives of those around us.<br />I know I sometimes screw up in big ways, I like to think I do good in small ways that have big impact.<br />And Jimmy Stewart is totally crushable in that movie!<br /><br />*<em>And dance by the light of the Moon*</em><br /><br /><strong>And They All Lived Happily Ever After</strong><br /><strong></strong><br />I hope to interact again before the new year, but if I don't , I wish you all well and safe!<br />I wish you and your loved ones health and happiness!<br />May your Holidays be warm and memorable, may your Loves be long.<br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><strong></strong><br /><strong></strong><br /><br /><br /><br /><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em><br /><em></em>Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-23797044926880732062008-08-16T23:55:00.002-05:002008-08-17T00:58:48.857-05:00Updates and ShitI am sorry I have negelcted my Soup, and the friends that read it.<br /><br /><br /><br />My armpit lump shrunk, and then dissapeared. Yay!<br />I am not sure if my meds are working, I take them.<br />There are things that have happened that should have knocked me into bed, that didn't, so maybe they are helping .<br /><br />I can't say I feel positive about my life situation, but I haven't hidden too much.<br />The neighbor gets me out, I get dressed most days.<br />I got a job.<br />( Oh whoa, before you get happy for me, it's a shit job, it's like my old job for less money)<br /><br /><br />I kept saying " The PERFECT Job for me is mine!!"<br />Nothing.<br />I was Positive, I tried.<br /><br />The only job that kept getting offered to me was my old retail job, everytime I went there to shop.<br />I need money.<br />I need a new car ( a newer car anyway) because mine has no A/C and 140K miles and is ready to die.<br /><br />I kept being told I was second choice for the good jobs. They liked me, but chose someone else.<br />Pfft, fuck that!<br /><br />So I caved.<br />I did what I always do, I settled for less than I am worth.<br />And once again my lack of education trumps my skills.<br /><br /><br />Whatever.<br /><br />I won't make enough money to leave my Husband.<br />So maybe the Universe thinks I shouldn't.<br /><br /><br />I'll just keep saying " I'm Sorry" to my Kid when he gets verbally abusive.<br />I'll just keep checking his truck for bottles of booze.<br />I'll just keep taking my meds, even though I know it isn't me that's fucked up.<br />I'll just keep questioning my every life choice.<br /><br />(SHIT!<br />I just lost half my post!<br />I hate this stupid laptop!<br />I'll try to remember what I said.)<br /><br />I won't be working nights, ever. I promised Katie I would be home for her.<br /><br />I love you all, I am sorry I am not more interactive.<br />I mean to be.Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-31086530083751160372008-07-15T21:26:00.002-05:002008-07-15T22:17:51.434-05:00I Need to Get BetterI went to the Doctor today.<br /><br />I wouldn't have gone, except I found this weird lump under my armpit that didn't hurt, and my neighbor felt it, and my hubby felt it, and they both said to go have the Doctor feel it.<br /><br />Doctor liked that it was a surface type lump, that we could feel all of it, that it was small ( large pea) and that my mamagram from 3 months ago was clean.<br /><br />Doctor wants to watch it, but she thinks it's a small cyst. It's nothing, we'll watch it.<br />But she talked to me, like my awesome Doctor always does, and I left with anti-depressants.<br />Because I need them.<br /><br /><br />I hate that I need them, but I think I do this time.<br />No, I know that I do.<br /><br /><br />Just that I wasn't able to write for so long, was a symptom for me.<br />That I would sleep all day if I could, should have been a warning.<br />Staring at the walls doing nothing for hours, was a sign.<br />That I was crying while telling the Doctor that I didn't cry , well, that may have been a symptom. <br />So I'll try the new meds.<br /><br /><br />And I need a new project.<br />I do so much better when I have one.<br />So I bought some supplies and some paint, and have taped off the front bathroom.<br />Tomorrow I start painting the house, one wall at a time.<br />Steve hates it, he won't help me, but he won't stop me.<br /><br /><br />I have no idea what I am doing, but I will crack open that paint can tomorrow, and I will order that wallpaper border tomorrow.<br /><br />I am going to own this house, if only with my sweat.<br />And hopefully, I'll be able to sleep on the new meds.Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-19722959572340356232008-07-10T01:32:00.003-05:002008-07-10T03:12:52.957-05:00Dawning of a New Day - And Other Stuff!Reminds me of that song, we sang it in 7<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">th</span> grade Chorus Class.<br /><br /><em>this is the dawning of the age of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">Aquarius</span></em><br /><em></em><br />I was a high soprano way back then , which will be funny to anyone who has ever heard my voice on the phone. ( I don't sing anymore, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">btw</span>)<br /><br />So a little of this and that for this entry.<br /><br />1. My trip sucked. Which is sad <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">because</span> I get to travel so rarely.<br />Okay so only like 70% of it sucked, but that is enough for me. I'll be staying home for awhile.<br />Remember that scene from <em>Lilo and Stitch,</em> the one where she says , " My Friends need to be punished"? That is how I feel about my trip.<br />Can I get an " <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">awwwwwwww</span>" ?<br />Like the airsick wasn't enough, some of them were just plain mean. <br />I seriously think I would have had a better time with my net friends, than with the people I was with.<br /><br />2. Loving my new neighbors!<br />They are so fun, so nice! I think they may become <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">lifefriends</span> .<br />They are Canadian, from Alberta and have this weirdly cute way of saying things. They drag out their vowels. <br />Now I am one of those people who mimic without trying. I will adopt your accent easily, and give me a few drinks and I will <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">unconsciously adapt to your whole speaking pattern. </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I don't mean to. I am not mocking you, I just do it. I just adapt to a different speaking cadance very easily.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">So I keep trying not to mimic the way my new friend speaks, but it's hard, because I naturally fall into the speach pattern of whomever I'm talking to. </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">She laughs at me. I like her.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Her kids are great too, they think Katie is a goddess.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">3. I think I may have found THE PERFECT JOB FOR ME!</span><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"> </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I don't have it yet, but I think maybe. </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">If it isn't, they won't call me, that is how I'll decide if it is perfect or not.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">They have my resume, my contact there knows I am interested. </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I am leaving it up to powers beyond me, and trying not to worry about it. </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">4. The Secret.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Hey you know all that media hype about " The Secret"?</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Like the whole idea of thinking positive and using afirmations is new?</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">*LAUGH*</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">My Mom was teaching us that stuff way back when we were kids.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">She knew it, and her life still sucked.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">But I DO know that staying positive, is better than lying in bed crying all day.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">( Not that I would do that , very often)</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Can you make your world better? </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Of course, but only slightly. </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I was raised on that shit, and still I struggle with it.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I have decided it is better to be positive, no matter what the universe gives you.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Make lemonade.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">5. My Kid is an Brilliant Artist!</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I am still trying to figure out how she is going to feed herself, but she is really brilliant!</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I mean, she is amazing in how she thinks. </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">But she is so outside mainsteam, that I am not sure there is a market for her kind of genius.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">She is weird, but good weird, amazing talented weird, but how do you make a living on that?</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">And how do I convince her that showering daily is good?</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">6. I worry about everything.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">EV. ER .EY . THING</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">My Grandmother used to say that "Worry" was a wasted emotion, that it didn't matter if you fretted , things would be , as they would be. </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">No matter how much you worried, you couldn't change things, and if you <em>could </em> change it, worrying about it wasn't the way to do it. </span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected">I try to remember that, but I've never been good at it.</span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"><em></em></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"><em>And Peace will guide the planets, and Love will stear the stars</em></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span><br /><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected"></span>Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com11tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-32356135154440159702008-06-06T20:51:00.002-05:002008-06-06T23:11:46.935-05:00Poor Neglected SoupSo I got tagged<br />Blah!<br /><br />I'm supposed to do some stuff, and post some things, and there are rules about this stuff, ( RULES!) There is a set <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">protocol</span> to this stuff dontchaknow.<br /><br />I am a rebel ( Ha! As if! )<br />I will follow no rules, ( here me be tough?) but I will post some things because Wheezy tagged me weeks ago ( and I love her) and I feel guilty about neglecting my bloggy place for long, there is dust in here.<br /><br />6 things you didn't know about me<br /><br />1. Both of my parents are dead, as are all my grandparents. I still have a stepDad, but most of my history is gone. I don't feel like I am old enough to have both my parents dead. I am the 'older ' generation in my family, in my early 40 's, I am the eldest. My siblings call me to remember their past.<br /><br />2. I have beautiful feet. I am not into feet, have no special 'thing' about them, but mine are lovely. Well shaped and smooth with nicely porportioned nails and toes. They are quite pretty, and I take very good care of them.<br />They are unfortunately HUGE feet for my height. Size 9 1/2 feet on a 5'4" frame.<br />I have to be careful about clunky shoes so I don't look like a clown.<br /><br />3. I hate yard work. There, I said it. I admire people who can make beauty with plants , make art in their yards, but I can't. I don't have any living houseplants either, and I've tried to do those more times than I can count. I kill them. Plants don't take to me.<br />I have 3 lucky bamboo stalks in water that are doing well, but they have only been in my house for 2 months, I don't expect to have them very long.<br /><br />Six Things???? I have to do six?!!!<br /><br />4. I LOVE my hair! I had my hair done today and I am positively obsessed with it! I had some highlights done for Summer, and my stylist ( God Bless Lynn, she is the BEST! Even though she is now a whole county and 40 minutes away on a Hwy I hate to drive) talked me into going a little lighter with a little more. I'm blonde highlighted! I love it! <br />There is just something about feeling really cute.<br />It's kinda shallow , but whatever, I LIKE it!<br />My Mother used to tell us to " Stand up straight and put on some lipstick" , whenever we were feeling down. Ha, like that would solve all our troubles. <br />But you know, looking good does make you feel a little better, and making an effort helps. <br />I know when I'm depressed I don't care how I look, it's the first symptom.<br />So no matter what happens this weekend, my hair looks fabulous! I am fiercely cute today!<br /><br />5. I used to write bad poetry, lots of it. Maybe it wasn't totally awful, as far as poetry goes, but it was sappy as hell. Sometimes I want to write poetry again, but then I read my old stuff, and decide against it. Oh, and I have several horrible poems in a folder written to an old boyfriend who is now a " friend" on my MySpace page. I could curl up and die of embaressment over those.<br />But know I should write again, I have stories floating around in my head, and maybe some poems too.<br /><br />( SIX? I have to do 6 things that people don' t know about me? Okay, but only because I was 'tagged', and it won't be pretty)<br /><br />6. My marriage sucks. Bad.<br />Has for a long time, probably will for a long time more because I can't see a way out that won't leave me with nothing and my kid more damaged. <br />I can determine exactly when it went off track. I have been trying to fix it for years. <br />When your spouse has lifesaving brain surgery, for awhile you are just grateful they are alive , and you count your blessings and pretend they are the same person they were before. <br />And is it his fault that what you got back wasn't the same? He thinks he is the same.<br />Shouldn't you just be happy that he can walk and speak and work, because they told you he wouldn't do any of those things? They told you he probably wouldn't be functional at all, you signed the forms , all those papers that said they were just gonna try to save him, excusing the Doctors for the outcome, lucky if he lived after the brain hemorage.<br />My worst fear was to be married to a vegitable, but instead I'm married to a mean parinoid asshole who drinks too much and is hateful to me and our child. <br />I should be grateful instead of complaining.<br />But his personality is different. This is not the man I married.<br />It's not my fault , it's not his ( though he is better sober, he still thinks he is 'claravoiant' and the CIA is montering his computer) but what do I do now?<br /><br /><br />So I tag anyone who hasn't been tagged yet.<br />There were rules and things, but I don't care what they were.<br /><br />Tag!<br />You're it!Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-51222457171969645282008-04-28T09:55:00.003-05:002008-04-28T10:22:20.999-05:00BooksIt was a <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">booky</span> weekend at my place.<br /><br />We finally returned the late library books. I had one that somehow didn't get returned when the others did, and my daughter had 4 from when a friends mom took the girls. We have had these books in our home for 8 years.<br />EIGHT YEARS!<br /><br />So I found them recently while doing the clean up organize the house thing. I was horrified, so embarrassed. I'd like it noted that I never received a letter from them at all, but we stopped going because I knew about the book that I needed to return.<br /><br />I sucked it up and went to the library Friday, fully expecting to be hauled off the jail. They tell me the books are no longer in their system, and the charge is for the purchase price of the books, not the fines. Good thing because I peeked around at her screen and the late fees for the one adult book would have been $167! So she is very sweet, and tells me the cost of the books is $65, but they are in such good condition that she is going to talk to her manager about them, see what she can do.<br />Okay, this is it, this is where she sneaks away to call the <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">LibraryPoliceman</span> ( and thanks to Stephen King, I'm really afraid) .<br />She comes back and informs me that since they are in such good condition the fines will be $3 a book. Huh? Fifteen dollars after 8 years?<br />And then she offers to make us new cards.<br />WHAT? You mean your going to let us check books out again? It's a crime to not return library books, and you are going to let criminals like us have more?<br /><br />So we spent a lovely hour and a half, walking through the stacks, Kate checked out 2 books from the YA section, I got 5. I was still waiting for the catch until we got to the car.<br />I am a library person again!<br /><br />I also have a big box of books here that I am going to take by to donate, it'll help my guilty conscience.<br /><br />Saturday we went back for the Library Book Sale!<br /><br />Every year there is a huge used book sale. Rooms of tables filled with books! Some are old ones from the library , most are donated. Every kind of book you could want, and videos, textbooks, everything.<br /><br />I bought 14 hardcover books, 6 paperbacks, and a videotape movie. All for $16<br /><br />I am a happy Bug.Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-44296821924368728722008-04-23T12:24:00.000-05:002008-04-23T12:25:24.423-05:00Thanks EveryoneFor all the Love and Good thoughts.<br /><br />I didn't get itBuggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-21561687343670793492008-04-10T22:18:00.002-05:002008-04-10T23:53:47.802-05:00I Have a Job Interview!So I have been enjoying the Domestic thing, very muchly.<br />I feel like I have uncluttered my home, and my mind. I am feeling organized finally, after several years of chaos. I have reconnected with my kid, and maybe on the road to reconnecting with my husband.<br />The original plan was to take 2 months off , regroup, reorganize, get some sleep, and concentrate on my health and family.<br />I feel I've done that. <br />I am satisfied that I accomplished what I needed to in my time off.<br />It's been 3 months, and it's time to go back to work.<br /><br />I want more money.<br />I didn't quit my job without thought, I was sure we wouldn't be lacking before I chose to take the break. We'd be tight, no extras, but we ended up with unexpected expensives , (isn't that always the way?) Hubby didn't have the overtime we expected, and gas prices went up, his commute cost more, medical expensives, etc. <br />Not spending any money was harder than I thought, but we did okay. <br />Being at home only made me see all the home improvements I wanted to do.<br />Being home would be much more fun if someone paid me to do it.<br />So it was time to look for work, I need a pedicure.<br /><br />Last month I started doing the job search thing, and I just don't think I'm good at looking for a job.<br />I go in all confident and sure of my skills, knowing what an assest I'd be to anyone who is lucky enough to hire me, and leave having filled out an application, sure that I don't <i> look good on paper</i> , and worried if I answered right about my education ( none) and if I wore the right shoes.<br />I am all confidence , and yet not confident at all.<br /><br />Hubby tells me not to worry, not to settle for another crappy job, take my time, find something good. He also yells at me over money.<br />And if it really comes down to money, both of my last jobs would hire me back in a second, I could go to work tomorrow, in a low paying go nowhere job that I would give my all to, I could.<br />But this time I have set my sights a little higher, and hope I can wait.<br /><br />So I have been filling out applications, signed up for the State job search thing, search the ads in the local paper everyday. Not a call back , not a nibble in 4 weeks.<br /><br />I am all POSITIVE THINKING! <br />I am saying ,<br />"The perfect job for me is coming to me now!"<br />"I am finding the perfect job that is finding me!"<br />"I am the perfect person for the right job, right now!"<br /><br />Because when it really comes down to it, I am a fucking optimist, Dammit!<br />I know, even when I'm feeling down , feeling low, that I bounce.<br />I am a half full glass kinda gal!<br /><br />( I don't even want to be an optimist, even when I want to be sad I can't for long , it's like this weird Pollyanna brightside curse thing. It's not funny!)<br /><br />The very first application I filled out, 4 weeks ago, was for a job with the City.<br />Good benefits, nice pay, the hours I want ( I don't want to work nights and weekends anymore) . <br />And they called, this week, twice. They want to interview me in person tomorrow. It isn't for the first job I applied for, but they had another open the day I went in, and I was told I could have my application routed to both departments, and this one I am actually better qualified for.<br />I know that if they don't hire me it wasn't the right job for me, but I think I want it.<br />I really think I want it.<br /><br />So if you are reading this, and you want to maybe send me some positive vibes, that would be really nice.<br /><br />Friday at 3 p.m. central time, send some light to your Buggy pal!<br /><br />Ya'll be safe, and well!Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com14tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-14738035634491837882008-03-16T19:18:00.002-05:002008-03-16T21:39:15.699-05:00Where the Heck Is Buggy?Okay, I need to update.<br />I hate when people don't update ( like for instance, where the heck is Supes?) <br /><br />I am busy, but that isn't an excuse because I could talk about busy.<br />I haven't written in awhile, so I think I'll do a little of this and a little of that.<br /><br /><strong>Daddy</strong><br /><br />So I have a Daddy now. (I talked about finding my Dad http://ebugsoup.blogspot.com/2007/11/reconciliation.)<br />It's been good. I think he needs us as much as we need him. <br />I love his wife, I think she and I can become good friends. We've met twice and she and I have had 2 long talks on the phone. She's warm, she makes him happy, I like her.<br />They have been awesome with Katie, and I think he is amazed by her. <br />He said, looking at her he feels like he lost 30 years, because it's like looking at me when I was her age. <br />The first time Katie met him she said, " He talks in metaphors, he's funny!"<br />I didn't know, had no idea how big that gap was, that loss in me was, til I found him again, I needed him.<br />It's good. It's comfortable. He loves me.<br />Kate and I spent the day with them yesterday, he took me riding around town on his Harley, just like I was a kid again on the back of his bike. We helped build the sub-flooring of his workroom in their new place. ( Their new house is an airplane hanger. Their front yard is an airport runway. It's very cool!) <br />It was hard work, but so fun. I felt good helping, it's what you do for family. <br />And I know that if I ever needed anything, that the years apart won't matter, he's my Dad.<br /><br /><strong>My Baby is 16!</strong><br /><br />Now tell me how young and fabulous I am! HA!<br />My daughter is amazing. She really is.<br />I get all choked up just thinking about what a strong and thoughtful person she is.<br />Katie knows herself, and she is different, and she doesn't care.<br />To Kate, the worst thing would be to be ordinary, to not be her true self.<br />I am really proud of her. She is outspoken, and opinionated, but she is kind too.<br />She's strong and nice.<br />And she is finding her own way. I used to worry alot, but not so much anymore.<br />I think she is going to be fine.<br />I think just being Katie is going to be more enough.<br /><br /><br /><br /> <strong> The Domestic Project</strong><br /><br />The Homemaker thing is going so well I could do it forever, if someone paid me for it.<br />I have cleaned out everyones closet but mine ( and that project is on the list). <br />I have given away and thrown away so much stuff that I lost count of how many boxes and bags. <br />I clean things that no one sees. The behind, the underneath. When a room looks clean, I steam the carpets.<br />One day I noticed I could see the floor in the Laundry Room, so I spent the day cleaning it. I scrubbed the washer and the dryer and behind them, and under them. <br />I washed the walls and scrubbed the tile floors. I never thought doing laundry would be a joy, but it is much more enjoyable in a clean laundry area than it ever was before.<br />I spent 2 days doing Katie's closet, and another organizing her room and another doing her dresser. I love her room now, and so does she.<br />Being organized has made me happy.<br /><br />I feel like people can come over now and I won't freak out.<br />I am busy everyday, I have more projects, but the list is getting shorter.<br />I have cleaned the clutter out of my home and my mind. <br />I am working harder than I did when I was getting paid, but I like it more.<br />At 5:00 when my family comes home, there is a healthy meal being prepared, and I am tired, but satisfied. <br />I wish I could do the homemaker thing forever, but it's been a little over 2 months, and money is becoming an issue. I'll have to get a paycheck again soon, but I am Oh so grateful for this time, for this cleaning out of my Home and my mind.<br />I sleep better, I have more energy, I am healthier, we are all happier.<br />I have changed. I used to hate being home, hated housework, felt trapped and lazy.<br />Now I look at it as my job, and I like it.<br />Just wish I had the money to do the house projects I want to, without working.<br /><br /><br /><strong> Vacation</strong><br /><br />I don't know that I've ever really had a vacation since I've been an adult.<br />We never had a honeymoon trip, Steve and I have never gone away for a weekend.<br />I often say I have never ever gone anywhere, and I'm not kidding.<br />As a family we have gone to California twice since we've been married ( 16 years). But that was less vacation that obligation. Steve's Mom wanted us there and she paid for the trip and she dictated what we did and where we went. <br />Once the grandchild was old enough to travel on her own, the obligation trip torture was narrowed to Katie.<br />But I am taking a vacation this year, by myself. <br />The plane ticket has been paid for and if I have to sell blood to finace the rest, I'm going.<br />I am flying into SoCal, Burbank, in June, but the real trip is a road trip and weekend in Laughlin Nevada with my girls from high school. It's like a mini reunion, without all the people I didn't like.<br /><br />I am going to fly. ALL.BY.MYSELF!<br />Me, who just 8 short years ago couldn't leave the house alone. Who at one time couldn't drive without a panic attack, much less walk the 20 feet to the mailbox because it was 'too far' from my cave. I didn't even open the blinds on the windows back then. I was so afraid.<br /><br />I am taking a vacation!<br />I am getting on a plane, I have a hat and I am going to wear it by a hotel pool in the sunshine, while hanging with my Girls!<br /><br />Some of you knew me when I just started to venture out, when I was just starting to heal from my mind prison. I used to call myself 'DriveMyCar' , because I was just happy to be able to drive at all.<br />Being a housewife used to be a prison to me, because of my depression and fears and anxiety attacks. <br />Now it's a joy!<br />I am taking a vacation, I am flying by myself, I am Buggy.Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com16tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-89673586095393866312008-01-08T07:07:00.000-06:002008-01-08T08:00:38.412-06:00Embracing my Inner Domestic GoddessSince I quit my job ( oh yes, I did quit my job)I have been looking forward to getting some things done. I have lists, I have projects planned, I have mountains of laundry.<br /><br />My last day at work was the Saturday after Christmas. <br />I have had a week of spending more time with my kid, a week of eating meals at a normal time, and a week of getting some decent sleep. I feel great!<br /><br />Working so many nights was killing me, it was bad for my family, and I don't think my house has really been clean in 2 years. I was barely getting the dishes done and the floors mopped each week. Laundry was a constant battle, never really ever getting done. Grocery shopping was a chore instead of something I liked and we were eating crappy fast food too often, never having decent meals planned. Everytime I open a drawer or a closet I want to scream.<br />I need organazation in my life. I need it now.<br /><br />So yeaterday was my first full day as a Domestic Diva, the first day I had the house all to myself to get started. And you know what? I got a lot done.<br /><br />The plan is to have one "Project" a day, something not so huge that I can't get to the regular stuff, like dishes and bathrooms. (I did get a headstart last week by cleaning out the cabinets in the master bathroom)<br /><br />So yesterdays "Project" was our bed. Not just quickly changing the sheets, but stripping it all down, flipping the mattress and airing it with febreeze, washing the mattress pad and the pillows, and the quilt. While those things were washing, I got 2 loads of clean laundry ( that was piled up on the sofa) sorted, folded and put away. I loaded the dishwasher, and cleaned the toilets and the catbox.<br />I cleaned the fireplace doors and tile, and managed to wash the dining room windows and the back door. ( The windows happened by accident, I decided to open the blinds and let some light in, and got lost in an OCD frenzy).<br />I watched 2 movies , and went to Vietnam and China with Anthony Bourdain while cleaning. <br />I ate a healthy breakfast and a healthy lunch, and I went to the bank and paid the water bill. I remembered to thaw some food so we had grilled chicken and vegitables for dinner, that we ate together, at the same time, in the same room! I even got the dishes done after.<br /><br />All in all, quite the successful first day!<br /><br />Today's "Project", is the linen closet. It's such a mess with stuff that there isn't but one little shelf for towels, and no room for my Lush. That has to change. <br />I'm also going to get a bit more laundry tackled, and I have some shows taped to watch.<br /><br />I am Buggy, Domestic Diva, envy me!Buggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-11900155.post-55533719076778297342007-12-25T03:26:00.000-06:002007-12-25T03:44:59.684-06:00Merry EverythingTo all my friends of all faiths, and to those of none<br /><br />I wish you joy<br />I wish you laughter<br />I wish you warm when you are cold, and cool air when you are too warm<br />I wish you funny<br />I wish you comfort<br />I wish good health, for you and yours<br />I wish for you less worry<br />I wish you good rest, good sleep<br />May you always awake with a smile and face the day with a positive outlook<br /><br /><br />I wish for you, enough<br />Enough food<br />Enough heat<br />Enough joy<br />Enough security<br />Enough love<br /><br />I Wish for you, my friends and family<br />Much goodness, much Love<br />Now and always<br /><br />Be Safe<br />Be Well<br />I Love youBuggyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15038684369570353687noreply@blogger.com6