I Need to Get Better

I went to the Doctor today.

I wouldn't have gone, except I found this weird lump under my armpit that didn't hurt, and my neighbor felt it, and my hubby felt it, and they both said to go have the Doctor feel it.

Doctor liked that it was a surface type lump, that we could feel all of it, that it was small ( large pea) and that my mamagram from 3 months ago was clean.

Doctor wants to watch it, but she thinks it's a small cyst. It's nothing, we'll watch it.
But she talked to me, like my awesome Doctor always does, and I left with anti-depressants.
Because I need them.


I hate that I need them, but I think I do this time.
No, I know that I do.


Just that I wasn't able to write for so long, was a symptom for me.
That I would sleep all day if I could, should have been a warning.
Staring at the walls doing nothing for hours, was a sign.
That I was crying while telling the Doctor that I didn't cry , well, that may have been a symptom.
So I'll try the new meds.


And I need a new project.
I do so much better when I have one.
So I bought some supplies and some paint, and have taped off the front bathroom.
Tomorrow I start painting the house, one wall at a time.
Steve hates it, he won't help me, but he won't stop me.


I have no idea what I am doing, but I will crack open that paint can tomorrow, and I will order that wallpaper border tomorrow.

I am going to own this house, if only with my sweat.
And hopefully, I'll be able to sleep on the new meds.