Bug Soup

A Broth of Rambling Thoughts ( with some morsels of 'silly' thrown in for flavor)

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Where the Heck Is Buggy?

Okay, I need to update.
I hate when people don't update ( like for instance, where the heck is Supes?)

I am busy, but that isn't an excuse because I could talk about busy.
I haven't written in awhile, so I think I'll do a little of this and a little of that.

Daddy

So I have a Daddy now. (I talked about finding my Dad http://ebugsoup.blogspot.com/2007/11/reconciliation.)
It's been good. I think he needs us as much as we need him.
I love his wife, I think she and I can become good friends. We've met twice and she and I have had 2 long talks on the phone. She's warm, she makes him happy, I like her.
They have been awesome with Katie, and I think he is amazed by her.
He said, looking at her he feels like he lost 30 years, because it's like looking at me when I was her age.
The first time Katie met him she said, " He talks in metaphors, he's funny!"
I didn't know, had no idea how big that gap was, that loss in me was, til I found him again, I needed him.
It's good. It's comfortable. He loves me.
Kate and I spent the day with them yesterday, he took me riding around town on his Harley, just like I was a kid again on the back of his bike. We helped build the sub-flooring of his workroom in their new place. ( Their new house is an airplane hanger. Their front yard is an airport runway. It's very cool!)
It was hard work, but so fun. I felt good helping, it's what you do for family.
And I know that if I ever needed anything, that the years apart won't matter, he's my Dad.

My Baby is 16!

Now tell me how young and fabulous I am! HA!
My daughter is amazing. She really is.
I get all choked up just thinking about what a strong and thoughtful person she is.
Katie knows herself, and she is different, and she doesn't care.
To Kate, the worst thing would be to be ordinary, to not be her true self.
I am really proud of her. She is outspoken, and opinionated, but she is kind too.
She's strong and nice.
And she is finding her own way. I used to worry alot, but not so much anymore.
I think she is going to be fine.
I think just being Katie is going to be more enough.



The Domestic Project

The Homemaker thing is going so well I could do it forever, if someone paid me for it.
I have cleaned out everyones closet but mine ( and that project is on the list).
I have given away and thrown away so much stuff that I lost count of how many boxes and bags.
I clean things that no one sees. The behind, the underneath. When a room looks clean, I steam the carpets.
One day I noticed I could see the floor in the Laundry Room, so I spent the day cleaning it. I scrubbed the washer and the dryer and behind them, and under them.
I washed the walls and scrubbed the tile floors. I never thought doing laundry would be a joy, but it is much more enjoyable in a clean laundry area than it ever was before.
I spent 2 days doing Katie's closet, and another organizing her room and another doing her dresser. I love her room now, and so does she.
Being organized has made me happy.

I feel like people can come over now and I won't freak out.
I am busy everyday, I have more projects, but the list is getting shorter.
I have cleaned the clutter out of my home and my mind.
I am working harder than I did when I was getting paid, but I like it more.
At 5:00 when my family comes home, there is a healthy meal being prepared, and I am tired, but satisfied.
I wish I could do the homemaker thing forever, but it's been a little over 2 months, and money is becoming an issue. I'll have to get a paycheck again soon, but I am Oh so grateful for this time, for this cleaning out of my Home and my mind.
I sleep better, I have more energy, I am healthier, we are all happier.
I have changed. I used to hate being home, hated housework, felt trapped and lazy.
Now I look at it as my job, and I like it.
Just wish I had the money to do the house projects I want to, without working.


Vacation

I don't know that I've ever really had a vacation since I've been an adult.
We never had a honeymoon trip, Steve and I have never gone away for a weekend.
I often say I have never ever gone anywhere, and I'm not kidding.
As a family we have gone to California twice since we've been married ( 16 years). But that was less vacation that obligation. Steve's Mom wanted us there and she paid for the trip and she dictated what we did and where we went.
Once the grandchild was old enough to travel on her own, the obligation trip torture was narrowed to Katie.
But I am taking a vacation this year, by myself.
The plane ticket has been paid for and if I have to sell blood to finace the rest, I'm going.
I am flying into SoCal, Burbank, in June, but the real trip is a road trip and weekend in Laughlin Nevada with my girls from high school. It's like a mini reunion, without all the people I didn't like.

I am going to fly. ALL.BY.MYSELF!
Me, who just 8 short years ago couldn't leave the house alone. Who at one time couldn't drive without a panic attack, much less walk the 20 feet to the mailbox because it was 'too far' from my cave. I didn't even open the blinds on the windows back then. I was so afraid.

I am taking a vacation!
I am getting on a plane, I have a hat and I am going to wear it by a hotel pool in the sunshine, while hanging with my Girls!

Some of you knew me when I just started to venture out, when I was just starting to heal from my mind prison. I used to call myself 'DriveMyCar' , because I was just happy to be able to drive at all.
Being a housewife used to be a prison to me, because of my depression and fears and anxiety attacks.
Now it's a joy!
I am taking a vacation, I am flying by myself, I am Buggy.

17 Comments:

Blogger kim (weltek) said...

You are Buggy, I hear you ROAR! You are an inspiration. With all the sh!t you've endured over the last few years, you are coming out on the other end with such a bright attitude. So much has gone right, even while things have gone wrong. And how exciting you are taking a fun vacation!

Now, can you bring your mop over and clean behind my washer & dryer?

12:46 PM  
Blogger frodis said...

This is a wonderful, amazing update, Buggy. It made me happy to read it. I know I am late to the party and haven't known you for very long, but I'm still extremely proud of you for finding your joy.

4:20 PM  
Blogger Rio said...

I love you. And I am proud of you and all of your many accomplishments.

7:14 PM  
Blogger ilse said...

You made me smile today. Thank you. You are amazing!

8:50 AM  
Blogger Bravie said...

I love Buggy. That is all.

11:36 AM  
Blogger Kimmah said...

yay, you!!!!

I'm having serious house depression. I need to be on a cleaning binge, but I simply cannot get started. It is that bad. Perhaps I'll read your blog a few more times and become inspired.

5:53 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think this might be one of my most favorite posts ever anywhere.

I love the way you talk about Katie. I love that you have reconnected with your father. I would like to connect with mine, but I haven't begun that search.

I love that you are happy being a housewife at the moment.

I love thinking about you in a pool hat.

Yay for you Buggy!!!

1:41 PM  
Blogger Buggy said...

You all are the best friends ever!
I don't feel all that inspiring, but thanks.

I have started job hunting, Arrrgh!

7:07 AM  
Blogger lights said...

I love you Buggy. That's what I planned on saying before reading any replies. And I'm not the least bit surprised that I wasn't the only one who started their post with declarations of love and admiration for you.

It makes me extremely happy that you have a Daddy again. How exciting for you and your family.

Of course Katie is amazing...she's your daughter.

Yay for clean corners and closets. I've got some that need help if you want to come here for a working vacation. *grin*

So proud of you Buggy. You've come a long way Baby! I remember you telling me your story when we first "met". I told you about my uncle who was agoraphobic. Unfortunately, he still doesn't get out much. I want a picture of you sitting by the pool with your hat.

7:12 PM  
Blogger Mom2BJM(Amy) said...

You Go Girl!

Awesome statements! Glad you have come so far! Glad that you have an awesome family!

May I take some of your inspiration and drive to get going on MY house?

8:51 AM  
Blogger Pam said...

*snif*

I know we don't talk every day, a bazillion times a day like we used to, and that makes me sad. But, I couldn't be happier for you, and I'm glad that you're in such a happy place in your old age. Buahahahaha!

You will always be my bestest friend.

*hugs*

8:58 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

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9:54 PM  
Blogger Sasha said...

I'm late to the party but I'm so happy for you.


Tech

3:54 PM  
Blogger Puffy said...

*applauds with tears in my eyes* Besides everything else that I admire about you, I admire your ability to express yourself so well.

If possible, can you save a little time to see me in So. Cal?

11:03 PM  
Blogger momma said...

So I'm way late in seeing this post, but Buggy!!! I am super duper proud of all of your accomplishements. This has definitely been a time of growth for you.

*big giant bug hugs*

9:33 AM  
Blogger Silvergirl said...

I hope to be just like you when I grow up. *looks at age on drivers license*

Oh, crap!

Way to go on the housework. I'm still trying to maintain a goddess lifestyle of cooking, laundry, shopping for food, driving places (that anxiety thing has kicked in for me because of menopause).

Congrats on raising a great kid. My kid has shown me recently how wonderful she is, and I'm happy to have a close relationship with her.

That's great about your father. I'm glad you are reconnecting with him.

Lots of luck on the job hunt. *smooch*

2:21 PM  
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