Bug Soup

A Broth of Rambling Thoughts ( with some morsels of 'silly' thrown in for flavor)

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Excuse Me for Writing


I wrote this back on the 8th, but didn't post it. It's been sitting in my drafts box for almost a month. I haven't felt right about my blog, and guess I need to get this out of the way before I start blogging again. So I am going to go ahead and get this over with and maybe start fresh here again.
My buddy Carey is right, if I am going to comment on friends blogs and get back into the loop, I should add some stuff here at my place, I guess I've neglected my fans. LOL!
( Besides I got tagged by Mystic and didn't even know it !)

So maybe this explains some of why I didn't update, and maybe it doesn't, but it's old business that I need to deal with. Cleaning out my emotional closet, I suppose.

I had more to this entry, including a bunch of stuff about quitting smoking , but since I've fallen a bit off the wagon this week, I edited that part out.

I'll update sometime this weekend.
Thanks to all that read me, those that comment, and those that don't, those in my real world and those in my cyber circle.

I've been trying to decide if I should post here in my place again.
I wrote for me here, and if anyone read it I was pleased, but that wasn't why I wrote.
I wrote for me.
I guess it hadn't occurred to me that I could be judged for it, that people in my real life would resent my writing an online journal.
And that is what this is for me, a journal of sorts.

Some of my online buddies write very interactive Blogs.
I love those!
They are like meeting places , and interactive parties. Some peeps have separate blogs for private thoughts and public, and that is all cool.
I just have this place, and I kinda just use it to write essays about my life.

It's about me.
Maybe that seems selfish to some, but I like having a space that is all about me, a place to talk about what I think and feel.
This is my journal, ( though I have let it be public in that anyone can read it. )
I don't advertise it on message boards, I don't mind other blog friends linking it, but it's for me.
It's my expression, my lamenting, my laughing , my bitching place.

I didn't know that writing for me was somehow insulting to my Sister.
I had no idea that she would be hurt reading what I wrote about my personnal feelings of despair over recent events. Family issues that affect many people.
I don't hold any personnal patent on family pain. It doesn't belong to me alone, this is a shared pain.
I just wasn't aware that I had to ask permission to write about how I felt.

Hey Deena?
Is it okay if I talk about my feelings?
Will that upset you?
Because I don't want to fight with you.
I don't want hurt feelings.
I can't believe you dissed me on my blog.
I can't believe you didn't call me, but instead told me off publically .
I can't imagine you would be offended that I wrote my feelings for me.

I guess I owe my sister Deena an email.
I have been looking at the email she sent me for days, and am still not sure how to respond.
I am not sure if I'm pissed or crushed.


Blogger bobdechemist said...

I'm glad the bug is back.

1:05 PM  
Blogger HistoryDetective said...

Hi Buggy!

I'm the last person to offer advice on family relationships, but I wanted you to know that I think of you often even if I don't comment too much when I visit you here. You're welcome to visit my place any time you want, as often as you want, whether you want to comment or not.

Your blog should be a place for you to do whatever you need to do with it, as often or as little as you want, regardless of who might be visiting.

I *heart* you, Buggy.

3:45 PM  
Blogger Bravie said...

I agree with HD. You shouldn't feel a need to entertain. The great things about blogs is that we can do what we want with them. Some blogs are out there for interactive purposes, as you said, and others are for people to let things out and yet others are there for people to write about their lives and to give people the chance to get to know them better in a venue other than messages boards.
In all cases, we all write about ourselves. Every single blogger out there is about us, writing about us. That's not at all selfish. It's the nature of the blog. So don't feel selfish, no matter what the intent of your blog.
Personally, whether you update once a month of once a day and whether you talk about your husband or your brother and his dogs or your sister and what's going on there or what color you painted your dog's toenails. I appreciate you letting us in no matter whether it's a little or a lot.
*hugs* I hope you and your sister can work things out. Family is important.

4:49 PM  
Blogger Buggy said...

Thanks ya'll.

I was just feeling so weird about my blog, my sis was hurt by my words, and I really didn't feel like I'd said anything intended to be hurtful. She seems to be hurt that I wrote at all.

HI BOB! You always give me fuzzies!

HD, I do go by your blog sometimes, I know I don't comment enough. I am happy you are dating someone special. And I have to confess that sometimes I go to your blog just to use you link list, you have just about everyone on there, and it's easy to nagivate from. Thanks for the valuable service.

Carey, my friend, my cyber buddy, thanks for being you and just for saying Carey stuff. Your comment today made me click back on the compose box. I usually swing by your blog when I am feeling alone, because I consider it sort of a gathering place. I always know some great banter is going on with the gang. And you make me laugh.

5:42 PM  
Blogger ~Nutz said...

Yeah! Everything HD & Carey & you said!

{{{hugs}}} for the Bug!

5:44 PM  
Blogger Puffy said...

Whew! I'm glad you're back. I like to visit the interactive parties, too. That's a good name for them. I also like reading your insightful and truthful blog.

7:13 PM  
Blogger Monstah said...

Buggy, first off, a big hug hello. I have missed you and I think about you often.

I imagine quite a few ingredients go into making "bug soup". Maybe even some secret ingredients? On some level, writing and getting your thoughts to fit into different words is a form of resurrection. How much you want to put out there can be quite a distressing, personal choice-- especially if a family member is privy to your thoughts. That is why sometimes, the tool of anonymity is so wonderful, I guess.

Whatever you write, I will read. I love all of your thoughts.

7:16 PM  
Blogger Syren said...

Hi Buggy,
I come here often, looking for updates, not so much because I am nosey, but because I find your blog to be one of the most heartwarming I have read. Often times I am telling him how much I enjoy when you do post, because it is so real, not that others aren't, but it is something I connect with.
I know we really do not talk, or anything, but I just wanted you to know that I always enjoy reading, even if I do not comment. Sometimes I laugh, sometimes I cry, almost always I leave with a little more warmth in my heart.
This is your place, as all of our blogs are. It is your place for your thoughts, feelings, or whatever you may feel writing about. I agree with Carey and HD. Regardless of who visits, keep it yours. That's what makes it so special.

9:05 PM  
Blogger Puffy said...

I totally agree with what Syren said.

1:29 PM  
Blogger BlindSlim~CSTL said...

I love this post, I can't think of anyone it wouldn't strike a chord with.

3:07 PM  
Blogger lights said...

You have neglected your fans Miss Buggy. *giggle*

Seriously, we understand when you don't update. I come here to get my Buggy fix because I love the honesty with which you write.

Love ya Bug. *hugs*

5:56 PM  
Blogger mysticwolf said...

Wow. {{{hugs}}} *smooches* Been there, with the cancer thing, and with the family thing. Am there now with the blog thing.

None of it's fun.

More {{{hugs}}}, more *smooches*

And, yeah, I tagged you. But, just as HD tagged me, thinking that it was a kinda non-tag 'cause I only had a blogger account to post to others, I never in my wildest imagination thought anyone would really notice.

You're going though enough without having to keep up with all of the rest of blogland. Blog what you please and the heck with the rest.

12:33 AM  
Blogger Zombs said...

Is this where you show us your nipples again?

*bats eyelashes*

I miss you Drive My Car!

8:45 PM  
Blogger Wheeze said...

I disagree. Blogs are totally and completely for the entertainment of the fans.


Or maybe that's just mine. :)

Love you bugggggeeeeeeee!

2:54 PM  
Blogger augie said...

I love the Bug. I wish the Bug was my sister.


6:46 AM  
Anonymous Deena said...

Buggy, Im glad you have this outlet in your life for your feelings, emotions, etc. I was hurt more by the fact that I havent felt as if you have made an effort to include me in your life. I never meant to "dis" you on your blog but I was hurt. I have to go to your blog to find out whats going on in my sisters life....I guess I felt a bit "dissed". If this made you angry, Im sorry. I just wanted to get my point across and this seems to be the way you communicate the best. Im sorry if you took it in a malicious way. It was more meant as a "hello!? Are you there??? Do you acknowledge me?"
I wont post on your blog again because I guess it just made you upset. Just wanted to say my final peace to your fans.
Your sister

5:55 PM  
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