Excuse Me for Writing

4/29/06

I wrote this back on the 8th, but didn't post it. It's been sitting in my drafts box for almost a month. I haven't felt right about my blog, and guess I need to get this out of the way before I start blogging again. So I am going to go ahead and get this over with and maybe start fresh here again.
My buddy Carey is right, if I am going to comment on friends blogs and get back into the loop, I should add some stuff here at my place, I guess I've neglected my fans. LOL!
( Besides I got tagged by Mystic and didn't even know it !)

So maybe this explains some of why I didn't update, and maybe it doesn't, but it's old business that I need to deal with. Cleaning out my emotional closet, I suppose.

I had more to this entry, including a bunch of stuff about quitting smoking , but since I've fallen a bit off the wagon this week, I edited that part out.

I'll update sometime this weekend.
Thanks to all that read me, those that comment, and those that don't, those in my real world and those in my cyber circle.


I've been trying to decide if I should post here in my place again.
I wrote for me here, and if anyone read it I was pleased, but that wasn't why I wrote.
I wrote for me.
I guess it hadn't occurred to me that I could be judged for it, that people in my real life would resent my writing an online journal.
And that is what this is for me, a journal of sorts.

Some of my online buddies write very interactive Blogs.
I love those!
They are like meeting places , and interactive parties. Some peeps have separate blogs for private thoughts and public, and that is all cool.
I just have this place, and I kinda just use it to write essays about my life.

It's about me.
Maybe that seems selfish to some, but I like having a space that is all about me, a place to talk about what I think and feel.
This is my journal, ( though I have let it be public in that anyone can read it. )
I don't advertise it on message boards, I don't mind other blog friends linking it, but it's for me.
It's my expression, my lamenting, my laughing , my bitching place.

I didn't know that writing for me was somehow insulting to my Sister.
I had no idea that she would be hurt reading what I wrote about my personnal feelings of despair over recent events. Family issues that affect many people.
I don't hold any personnal patent on family pain. It doesn't belong to me alone, this is a shared pain.
I just wasn't aware that I had to ask permission to write about how I felt.


Hey Deena?
Is it okay if I talk about my feelings?
Will that upset you?
Because I don't want to fight with you.
I don't want hurt feelings.
I can't believe you dissed me on my blog.
I can't believe you didn't call me, but instead told me off publically .
I can't imagine you would be offended that I wrote my feelings for me.


I guess I owe my sister Deena an email.
I have been looking at the email she sent me for days, and am still not sure how to respond.
I am not sure if I'm pissed or crushed.