I Get By

With a little help from my friends

So things are good with me, and mine.
Hubby quit drinking 2 weeks ago, but before anyone cheers, he is trying to do it on his own, without medical attention, and without a program or a plan.
Things have been better, but I fear that he will fail without something more.
I worry, but then I always worry.
The most useless of emotions is, worry.
It is.
Whatever will happen, will happen. Anticipated stress over something not yet real, is worry.
But I do it. I worry. I lose sleep over stuff I can't control.
I am hopeful that Steve's recovery will work, because our family needs it to.
And frankly, I'd gotten afraid that he might accidentally drink himself to death. It had gotten that bad.
But it's better now, so much better.
And he sometimes does little things, little thoughtful things, that show me it's better, that he is getting better.

That's me, ever hopeful.

I guess I need to learn to Let it Be.

Money - That's What I Want!

Money can't buy me love.
But it can pay the bills, and we have had troubles making the ends meet at the end of the month, and sometimes in the middle. I am oh so grateful, oh so thankful that Hubby still has his job, but the cut in overtime has cost us about $ 400 a month. At first it was easy, now it is catching up with us.
Have you ever had one of those months when everything breaks at the same time?
Have you ever had one of those months at the same time that you were having a broke month?
Oh we're okay, we got enough to get us through, oh wait, what? The car broke? Oh okay, we'll juggle this and then we'll ... what? The truck battery? Okay, we can borrow 50 from the kid til payday, wah? Not the A/C, it's 95 degrees with 90% humidity! Oh Okay, we'll ummm, we'll lie around naked under the ceiling fan til we get paid next week, and we'll juggle this bill, the water is due and the electric is late because we stalled it last month , but we can make it til ... WHAT? The garage door opener broke? *sigh*

And that all would be temporary stress, until I wake up at 3 a.m. and realize that my kid just became a senior in High School, and that she still can't drive, and we have to get another car because she is scared of the stick shift and I'm not sure she has the right social skills, and we have NO COLLEGE FUND!
Fuck!
Working class hero, my ass!
The working class hero wakes up in the middle of the night in a sweat.
And we are doing better than most, we don't have to worry about losing the house, and we have no credit card debt. We haver no credit, but we have no debt. We still have jobs.

Here Comes The Sun

But it always gets better.
It does. I know.
The storms come, and it's hard, but the sun rises.
And you have to just get up in the morning.
Sometimes, getting up in the morning makes you a success. Just that.

My Mom used to tell me, " Stand up straight, put on some lipstick, and do it!"
That's it, right?
Put your face on and go get it. Just get up and get on with it.
Make your own sun, shine your own light.

Let it Be!

New Post- Little Gems

Weltek wanted a new post, she is lovely and I adore her so I want to give her something new, something fresh.
Something not about what an asshole my Husband is. Because goodness knows we are all tired of what an asshole my Husband is ( note that Weltak never called my Hubby an asshole, I did)

I wish I had something to talk about that was happy and positive and didn't revolve around the abusive idiot I married.

Maybe I do, because you know I look for those gems, those little things that help me get through the shit. Sometimes it's hard to find those gems, (tonight it's very hard) sometimes it's hard to write good stuff when all I think about is messy . But I am happy to search for them.
Sometimes I have to remind myself to search for them.

Today's little gems!

The Library Book Sale!

Twice a year our local County Library does a used book sale. If you've been reading here for awhile you know I've written about it before. It is awesome!
I don't read as much as I used to to, I don't read as much as I'd like to, but I have books.
I have to have them.
Like stashed candy, hidden away for when I really need it (or that tiny little stash of pot that I never smoke, but I know it's there)
I have books.
I have books I don't even know I have.

The Library Used Book Sale is 2 huge rooms full of books. Tables and tables and tables of books.
New books, and most hardcovers go for $1.00, some special books ( or more popular authors) are $2.00. Paperbacks for 25 to 50 cents. Books on tape for $2, old CD's for $1, they even have some DVD's for under $3.
It's an amazing thing!
I live for the Book Sale!
I wish I could bring you all with me to the Book Sale!

I come home with a huge bag filled with more than I can read, always.

Today I spent $15.00.
FIFTEEN BUCKS!
I came home with 9 books for me, 2 CD's for the idiot I married, 3 children's books for the kids nextdoor ( Katie picked them so she would have something new to read to them when she babysits. Isn't she amazing? I'm so proud of her.)
2 paperbacks for Katie, and a beautiful color photo travelbook of Japan, that she Loves.
( We searched and searched for something similar for France, maybe next time.)
All that for 15 bucks!
And let's not forget the joy of just touching all those books for 2 hours.
Ahhhhhhh!

The sale is held in the Old Library, the part that has been there since the late 1800's ( there is some very cool very historic old shit in my town, people!)
It smells like books, and History, and it's beautiful.

Of course I still have a big bag of books that won't fit in my shelves ( and I have several bookshelves, and many baskets for them) from the last book sale, but that's okay. I will never be without something good to read. Ever.

And a bonus is a recommendation.
Last book sale I bought a book just because I liked the cover, and I picked it up a week ago; finished it yesterday.
Janet Fitch - Paint it Black
She wrote White Oleander, but I didn't know that when I bought Paint it Black
Get it! Read it! It's amazing!


I'm Fat

Okay so I'm not so much as I used to be , FAT, but I've been slacking and put on some weight.
Okay, so slacking is an understatment. ( and maybe some weight, is an understatement too)
I have type 2 diabetes, and I'm good when I watch what I eat and keep my weight down and excercise , take my meds , and control my stress.
( LAUGH! The stress is the hardest one to control, and it really isn't under my control at all)

After the booksale we stopped into the awesomely amazing store , Sweet Repeats.
One of the resale clothing stores in my town. ( There used to be 0ne, now there are four. I have only been to 2 of them).
I tried some on clothes, and then scrapped our original lunch plans for a place that served a salad. ( Katie was pissed ) .
I did find a great pair of jeans for 12 bucks, and Katie found a beautiful pair of crystal dangly earrings for $8.
I could have found more if I'd been in the mood to look at larger sizes, but it was humid out and I didn't want to totally burn my Book Sale Buzz.

Yes, This all about Shopping, You Gotta a Problem with That?

I wanted happy, you wanted happy ( you know you did).
This is the happy.
Oh and I bought a Shark floor steam cleaner washer thing at my work Friday.
I have wanted one forever, ( really really wanted one after Pam bragged about hers) but just couldn't afford it.
But for $55 bucks and then another 20% off with my employee discount, I had to have it.
We only had 10 of them in the store, and by Sunday they would be gone. I took them off the truck, I put them on the shelf, I already owned it, I had to take it home.

It is in the trunk of my car. It will stay there til Hubby goes to work on Monday.
He won't even notice it if I get rid of the box.
The sad thing is that I worked hard for it, and we can afford it, but he would still bitch about it.

Really Talented Kids - A True Tale of a High School Musical

Tonight we went to the High School Musical Production of The Music Man , at my daughter's school.
We went because Katie likes a boy who was in the production.
It was so good!
Her friend played several parts, and he was in most of the show, and he was very good.
Very good!
And overall the entire show was very entertaining!
I never knew that our High School auditorum had an actual orchestra pit in the stage.
For real!
The production had live music, and it was great!!
The kids were all very talented. I mean VERY talented.
It was so fun!
We got there early, so we had great seats until Katie saw some of her friends and we went and sat with them. The seats not so great, the friends not so polite.
Katie has trouble with social issues. She has to work at that which many of us find easy.
The social thing.
And to be honest, I struggle with understanding it.
The social thing is natural for me.
I get it, make eye contact, be friendly, be polite. I can talk to anyone.
Katie struggles with that. She is working at it, but making friends is hard for her.
Fitting in is an issue for her.
But these kids were less socially apt then she is.
Katie introduced me to her friends , she was polite, they were rude.
( And maybe I am just old, but people should wash their hair, just saying)

Anyway, my daughter was lovely, and her friend performed so well in the show. ( He's a cutie!)
The Show was so good! So Fun!!!
I may start going to High School performances just for entetainment.
Live theatre for 10 bucks a ticket, can't beat it for the price, and I am all about the little gems.

Love ya all

My Hubby Is a Butthead

Oh , he makes me so mad!

So the idiot finally cleans out the gutters today ( he hasn't quite grasped the whole "houses need maintenance' thing) and after some mild nagging ( months), he borrows the neighbors ladder , ( because the one we have sucks, but he told me we didn't need a new one, even though the one we have I bought at a garage sale for 2 bucks and it is wooden and short and shakey, and I have to manage to paint the house with it, whatever!) and FIANALLY is going to clean the gutters.

He comes in after about an hour and rants about how bad the job is.

" The gutters have 3 inches of yuck in them!" They smell! It's like they haven't been cleaned in 3 years!!!!!!"

Yes.
So?
They haven't been cleaned in 3 years.
( Does he think we had some special self-cleaning rain gutters?)
I didn't say it, but who does he thinks does everything else?
Umm, does he think his laundry doesn't smell?
Gee, where does he think those underwear he drops all over the bathroom floor go?
Does he think the windows don't get dirty?
Who does he think does EVERYTHING ELSE!!!

I wanted to fire the gardener because it costs too much and they don't even do a good job.
I said that for less than one months cost we could buy a lawnmower, and he says, " So you wanna mow the lawn?"

I didn't even feel sorry for him when he fell off the ladder.

"Do you need to go to the Hospital?"
"No"
"Then take an asprin and shut up"

My Husband does NOTHING!!!! around the house, EVER!!!!

Last weekend he decided he was going to help me with laundry. He ran 5 loads of laundry, and dumps all of it on the sofa as it came out of the dryer. It took me 3 hours to sort and fold and hang and re-wash on Monday.
Okay, Thanks for all the help.

I do everything!
EV ER Y THING!
Now He thinks I should work more hours.
OH MY GOD!

The only thing he does is take out the trash on Sunday night, when he remembers.
He doesn't do other stuff, because he " Works for a living!"

Am I crazy, or is he a total BUTTHEAD!?

Dirty Secrets

Do you wanna be on top?

I love that theme song for America's Next top Model.
I don't watch the show in real time, I don't watch the new season, but I am addicted to the marathon's of past seasons they show on Oxygen each week.
You mean I can watch an entire season of a Reality show in one day????
Oh My, I am so there!

I can't stand Tyra on her talk show, ( she pretends it's about 'real' but it's totally about looks and surface shit) but give me the over the top crazy Tyra on ANTM, and I love it!
On Sunday's they do a whole season of ANTM, and then they rerun it again on Monday.
I watch on Monday til 7 p.m. and then record the last 3 hours to watch later in the week.
( It's perfect, I'm home alone, I get laundry done, I can practice my fierce looks)

I guess it was appropriate that I was watching recorded episodes of Top Model on Thursday afternoon when I got the phone call that my Aunt Sue had died.

The phone rang, I did my fierce runway walk down the hall til I heard the message on the machine.

My Aunt Sue, the glamorous one , in a family of beautiful women.
She was mistaken for Elizabeth Tayler more than once in the 60's, in fact one of Sue's favorite stories was that she ran into Richard Burton in a bar in Palm Springs , and he told her that she looked just like his wife.
Think Liz Taylor in Giant, yes, that beautiful.
Sue was stunning.
She was also a huge superficial bitch.

Aunt Sue told me when I was 13 that I should be a model.
She taught me how to walk and how to shape my brows, and told me that as soon as I was tall I' could be famous.
In the 70's all models were tall, and blond, and had perfect teeth, I had none of those things.
But Shu Shu gave me confidence, and a runway walk, even though I never got taller than 5'4"

I am going to sound horrible here, but she was mean.
Much as I loved her, since hearing about her passing, most of my memories of her are bad.
I keep trying to think of good things.
She was a real bitch.


So my Runway walk wasn't as sharp as it could have been, since I had a little medical condition.
A not so little boil, at the top of my leg, you might say in my groin area ( my Doctor did).
It wasn't as big as a golf ball, but it wasn't much smaller than one either.
I have never had pain like that ever.
I was looking on the internet to find a remedy, and everything said that if your boil lasts more than a week and if you have Diabeties , go to the Doctor.
Hot compresses weren't working and it had been 3 weeks, and I knew I needed to see the Doc.
OMG!!!! It hurt sooo bad!
Like the most painful thing ever!
The Doctor stuck a needle in me and I know I went pale because I felt my face go cold and I heard her saying, " breathe Erica, breathe through your nose".
I almost passed out, it hurt so bad.
It still hurts, but not like it did.
Horrible.

I could have been America's Next Top Model, but instead I'm a short middle aged housewife with boils.

I have really well groomed eyebrows, and a fierce runway walk though.
Thanks Auntie Sue.

I'll miss you

March Stuff

Katie





Monday is my baby's Birthday.

Happy Birthday Katie!

We knew she was going to be a C-section, ( she was breach from 6 months on, never would turn, that stubborn thing) and I was so afraid she would be born on Leap Day.

Seventeen.

I was an adult at 17, she isn't yet, and I am so glad for that.

But just the thought that my child is 17, makes me cry.

I don't want her to change, I love her just the way she is right now.

I have loved her just the way she is every year, so I am sure I will be just as happy with her when she is 18, and 20 and 30.

Those of you with small kids, don't blink, it goes so fast. Too fast.

The photo is Katie at 12, one of my favorites.

Advertisments

Or as my Grandmother used to say "Ad VER tis ments"

I said to my Hubby a couple of years ago that if McDonalds stopped running ads we wouldn't forget they existed.

Weird thing is that today I realized that I hadn't seen a MickieD ad for awhile. I saw an online ad for McDonalds, that made me realize that I hadn't seen a TV commercial in a long while. They used to run on the TV all day, but when was the last time you saw a McD's ad on the TV?

Think about it.

And Car company ads were thick, but not lately.

I think it's a money thing.

McDonalds is doing okay, so they don't need to spend money on TV comercials, Car companies can't afford as many TV spots so they are fewer.

I think it's a money thing.

Just an observation.

MARCH FORTH

March 4th, march forth!

Say it outloud.

March FORTH!

My Mom used to say it was a special day because of how it sounded.

In my family it was another chance to start the new year.

Did your year start off badly? Did you already fuck up your resolutions?

Well you get another chance go start over, yes you do.

March Fourth!

It's nearly Spring and you can just march right into it.

Yes!

It's new, new year start.

Celebrate MarchForth!

Stuff You Should Do

Besides marching forth and hugging your kids ( and taking pictures when they are little, I didn't take enough pictures)

You should

Send some mental *HUGS* to Silvergirl and her family. They have some health concerns and could use the good thoughts and prayers.

Call an old friend, someone you haven't talked to in awhile.

I talked to 2 friends last week that I hadn't connected with in years. Both are people I have known for about 30 yrs. They are your past, they share your memories.

( For me it was refreshing to know that they think I am the same, that we could "pick up" like yesterday, that no matter what happens, we share a common past.)

Read FADE by Lisa McMann.

I know she is my friend, so I may be a bit partial, but the woman can write.

And you know there is just something wonderful about watching someone have a dream and acheive it. Supporting a good writers dream is rewarding to the reader.

Speaking of reading.

You should go to Superman's blog.

He is writing again, and it's good stuff.

And always, be kind to someone everyday.

Smile even when you don't feel like it ( sometimes you should smile especially when you don't feel like it) .

Be patient.

Patient is hard, and that is why you should try.

Be Well!

My Pantry - After

All clean!
If I say so myself, it's a neat as one of my grocery shelves at work.
It still needs a brighter bulb though.

My Dirty Pantry ( before)

I hope there will be some "After" pictures to go with these.

I Am Woman!

I am tired!

So last year I quit my job to do Home Projects.
It was good, I got some stuff done, but no where near what I wanted to get done.
( with more money I could do so much)
I am always picturing a new something, a cleaner thing.
And my wants aren't extravagant, just a little better.

(For instance, the house has the same crummy construction paint that it had when it was built. That would be okay, except when I wash a wall the paint comes off. So the whole house needs interior paint.)

I don't know why I complain at all.
I want more money, but I want to work less hours. ( and I should complain about a 9 a.m. t0 3 p.m. shift? Sometimes it's 9-2)

I want to be home more, I want to work 3 days a week, but that doesn't pay enough for me to do the projects I want.
Whine!

I want a chicken for my kitchen! Dammit!
(I saw several that were awesome at Hobby Lobby, but I can't buy a $30 chicken, that's crazy!)

So I do what I can,.
I can buy cans of paint at WalMart for 12 bucks, and I can bust my ass painting walls on my days off.

One wall at a time, one room at a time.
I had this whole week off.

Up the ladder, down the ladder ( I bought a cheap wooden ladder at a yard sale but it is way too shakey and I almost fell a couple times, so now I have my neighbors ladder ( It is almost tall enough, if I stand on my toes)

Took me two days to do the kitchen and dining area, but the living room wall connects, so I'll have to do it too. Very high ceilings in there.

Hubby helped.
He helped peel the tape off after I was done.

For about 8 months I tried to discuss color options with him and he didn't want to hear it.
So I went ahead and did it without him.

Last Summer Katie and I painted the front bathroom and the guest room. We re-wallpapered the bathroom border ( we had to, after I removed the ugly pink stuff , I found that it had been floated out smooth, and paint wouldn't stick, and there was no texture under the paper so we put up new. And we did an awesome job! Our first time with wallpaper and you can't see the seams.)

Last night he questioned something ( after I'd been working all day on the house) and I looked at him and said,

" Are you picking up a paintbrush? Because if you aren't, the time for your imput is long gone."

His answer was . " I hate painting!"

The living room is going to be a chore, high ceilings, 12 feet.
Hubby won't help.
He says he won't help.
He got pissed when I asked if he would help me tape it off.
But I am going to need him to move the electronics stuff.
I figure I'll just paint around it til I can't anymore, and then he'll have to move the TV and the stereo.

I am woman, watch me paint!

( But damn it hurts, my knees ache, my hands are cramping, my back aches, and the dissapointment hurts most of all)